pen(d)in down thoughts.....

I admire..admire.. admire

2007-11-11T11:47:00.000+08:00

I admire ZC for his easy going personality

I admire AL for his diligence

I admire KV for his brains

I admire EL for his finances

I admire LS for her plans for the future

I admire them for their spirit as one

I admire just about everyone around me

I admire myself for being in awe by the people around me

I am not part of anything

I am just another one.. of the many around me..

overwhelmed

2007-09-13T01:18:00.000+08:00

I don't know how much longer i can take this. Its really quite stressful.

Meetings after meetings, discussions after discussions.

I feel that i'm losing myself as a student.

Someone help me out in this issue please. I really need guidance.

I feel very lost in this new position.

end of foc, beginning of the end..

2007-08-09T11:53:00.000+08:00

The end of FOC. I feel i've aged tremendously.
Officially, its the end of my freshman year and the commencement of my 2nd year.
Seeing all the youthful faces and bundles of energy in my orientation group fellow, it dawned upon me the transformation that occurred to me within this short span of a year.
How i've lost things that i once possessed. How things are moving too fast for me to even see.

Am i just too oblivious to things happening around me?

Soon, the innocence in me would be lost as i wander into the world of huge responsibilities and massive workload for the coming year. Will i actually enjoy the 2nd term around? Or would it revert me back into the grumpy lifeless me?

Sometimes, i try to hard to accommodate everyone's wish or desire and losing myself in the process. People do not appreciate what one has been doing behind the scenes, all they are concerned is what takes place on the surface. Do they appreciate the pain and tears that goes on behind?

Superficial?

I beg to differ, it might be that they are simply not as sensitive to issues to look beyond the scope of things at that current time. Maybe they aren't aware of the whole story. Or maybe, they were blinded by other issues too. I make mistakes too, but who will forgive me when i do it?

The painful decisions that one has to make at times is simply unbearable at times too. I'm human afterall, i'm too affected by emotions. I'm always protecting others but who looks out for me?

Selfish thinking but please let me indulge in it for the moment.

I'm not perfect. I need guidance too.

Afterall...

I'm human too.

FOC 07/08

2007-07-29T00:28:00.000+08:00

FOC --> Freshmen Orientation Camp. A beginning and an end.

The beginning of supposed fun. The end of my term as a freshmen.

Tmr's the FOC camp but i'm not excited. Could it be that I'm already tired from the preparations? I just wanna enjoy myself before school starts.

Well, wish me luck. I wanna have fun.

Achieve big. Think small

2007-07-12T12:55:00.000+08:00

As i sit in front of my comp, looking thru my list of friends on friendster, I can't help but wonder how many of those people i actually know quite well.

It seems a pretty weird fact that people whom u see everyday but do not greet u actually add u into their "friends" list. I mean, this provides a new avenue and channel for you to make the first move but does anything happen thereafter? Or does it just remain status quo and u walk by each other as usual, pretending that u've never seen him/her.

Food for thought.

I perused through some of my sec sch mate's profiles and pictures. The changes that they have undergone seems to be quite interesting. Both physically and mentally. For example, taking part in marathons, starting their own business, growing obese. Lol

I pale in comparison.

What have i achieved for the past 21 years? Its coming onto 22 and i haven't found my forte or direction in life. I feel like a loser.
Alot of my friends are chasing their dreams, going for their interest.
I'm only pursing a paper reluctantly, if i could put it that way.
Maybe studies isn't my cup of tea.

Oh well.

I need to achieve something big.

Okie, how bout starting with something small then.....

A lil bit of courtesy pls?

2007-05-28T20:35:00.000+08:00

Ladies.

I appeal for you to lower your voices during lecture.

I have absolutely no wish to hear about your shopping trip over the weekend and the way your splurged.

I have no desire to know how you managed to sleep in tutorial classes.

Please.

Do me a favor and just lower your voices. The entire world can hear you 7 seats away.

And shaker fries boy.
Don't pretend that you weren't the one trying shaking the entire LT away.

What happened to etiquettes?

What happened to education?

I'm back to my usual self now.

Holiday i hear? What holiday?

I've so many things weighing on my mind.

I feel I've aged 10 years.

can i be a freshman again.. pls??

2007-05-19T11:48:00.000+08:00

this entry comes at the end of my 2nd sem... it marks the end of my freshmen year too.. i'm seriously starting to feel old.. once i was 21.. now moving onto 22(in a couple of mths) and more.. wat's more.. my sis is pregnant!

Tt's fantastic news.. but she had to remind me.. that i was gg to be an uncle... argh..

3 mths holiday? nah.. not for me.. mine is totally filled with stuff.. haha.. totally not wat i had in mind.. lets see.. special sem --> reservist --> FOC
3 mths filled up easily.. (but not wat i had in mind)

i still need a break.. a holiday.. a year without a break.. sucks totally... no time to re-energise...

I'm so looking forward to FOC in july.. it reminds me of my time as a freshman.. i wanna relive the experience.. where you meet new frens.. go thru stupid games.. but now.. i can't.. memories... trying to bask in it once more...

can i just be a freshman once again.. pls??

i dread growing up.. i love my life the way it is now.. well.. not in all aspects.. but mostly.. i wish for some things to change.. fast thou.. lol....

i can't see for sure which direction i'm heading for.. i juz wanna take things one step at a time.. which i'm afraid is impossible..

change.. change.. change..

if i had some magical powers of sort.. lol...

frens.. save me pls...

2007-02-28T12:13:00.000+08:00

I feel so weary.. i'm battling on so many fronts..
its taking its toil on me.. both physically and mentally...
i get this feeling that things are happening ard me.. but yet, i'm not completely aware.. i hope it isn't the way it is..

its been ages since i last went out.. be it to town or juz my neighbourhood..

all my time is either spent at home studying and resting.. if not.. in sch..

I'm not having a healthy social life..

I've lost myself in the process...

frens.. save me...

tonsil curse

2006-10-05T23:06:00.000+08:00

I've been hit by the cursed tonsil again!

Darn!

Add the fact that i've kinda strained my ankle... tt sucks totally... i can't really for too long...
Doc told me to rest my leg...

I'm feeling super drained.. burnout...

sleeping at 2-3 am everyday and having only ard 4-5 hrs of sleep for me is juz not sufficent...

i need a break before i breakdown...

hai....

i wan more time!

2006-09-15T10:57:00.000+08:00

I wish there could be more than 24 hrs in a day...

Time juz doesn't seem enough for me...

Countless stuff to do.. i can't find time to really sit down and study for my quizzes...

argh...

I'm still reeling in guilt for missing both pd's and bob's bdae...
So sorry guys...

Time to gear up for the challenges ahead..

Must remain calm...

3 hrs to D&D.. chaos!

2006-09-02T15:19:00.000+08:00

Its only 3 more hours before D&D begins...

My wardrobe is in a mess... chaotic state...

i've got nothing to wear (yah right..)

Oh gosh.. this is terrible...

But...

I can't really be too bothered... haha...

losing steam...

2006-08-21T19:52:00.000+08:00

Is it just me?

I sat down with eric (my roommate) and we ageed that it was really tiring maintaining the momentum of studying and struggling with the constant "ammunition" of tutorials.

I feel I'm losing steam.

How...???

dumb.. no no to math tutorial

2006-08-11T18:02:00.000+08:00

i feel stupid.

i can't even do a single qn of the math tutorial.

tt's how dumb i am.

feeling: exasperated

how am i gg to survive 4 yrs if i can't even get gg for now...

few hrs before the first day of sch...

2006-08-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

Just another couple of hours before sch starts...
feeling excited? Okie only lar.. in typical s'porean fashion.. trying to shrug if off..

Honestly, kinda feeling lost.. Too many things to do..
Print or buy notes, books... finding lecture venues and tut venues...
Meeting with mentors... CCAs recruitments... its like.. a sudden rush of too many things...

Lets hope tmr will turn out well... Hope the ppl will be affable...

=)

2nd thoughts bout' staying in hostel..

2006-07-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to have 2nd thoughts bout' staying in hostel after cleaning the entire room by myself yesterday.

It didn't help that lorna's friends came by my room and saw that my entire floor was covered with soap and ending up laughing. There was a gal who even said, "Wah, his first time washing the floor is it??".

Freaking tiring.

Darn it, i know how to mop the floor properly. If the room wasn't that dirty, washing and cleaning wld have been a breeze.

I had to go down on my knees to scrub the floor really hard to get rid of the black marks and coffee stains.

I'm now bugged with flu and cough. I thk it was the cleaning job that caused it.
I've done my part liao. Eric, now's ur time to contribute to the room.

I've spent so much and will be spending even more money along the way.. Its scary the rate money is flowing out..

Please don't expect me to do everything ya?

I'm drained of finance and energy liao..

Tonsil Troube...

2006-07-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

I've got a swollen right tonsil..

Pain..

Since monday..

I thot it was a throat infection..

darn...

cpf... bye...

2006-07-22T00:09:00.000+08:00

Its official.. I'm free...

However, i will miss...
1) The cranky gang made up of SL, ET, OKP, EH
2) The piling files and SOAs
3) The "after lunch" entertainment courtesy of me
4) The very entertaining at times colleagues (frm AD -> SE -> EOs and SEAs)

As most of them are serious most of the time. Its always good when we find time together to laugh at a joke.

Although i've not spoken to a certain few individuals ( i figured its easy to know who they are..) as much as i would like to but i guess things are fated. Maybe one day we will cross roads again? Should that day come, don't walk me by like a total stranger. Alright?

I can't thank you all enough. Its been a really good 3 mths. I wish all of you the best and i hope that i've made an impact aka making ur lives easier during the time there.

Weekdays will nv be the same for the coming week.
I'll be...
R-o-t-t-i-n-g
&
S-l-a-c-k-i-n-g

soon to be free.. devil's clutches...

2006-07-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

1 more working day..

The other day, there was this really nice lady who woke me up from my slumber sleep on the bus when the bus conductor was approaching. It got me thinking, would i have done the same to the person sitting beside me if he/she was sleeping. Would u??

I figured out that i would be too shy to wake the person up. Stupid as it might sound. But.. its true..

I realise that i like helping people, but i always can't bring myself to open my blardy mouth... haha... Weakling..

1 more day from the devil's clutches...

There are some people whom i've not spoken to in office as much as i would like to. Well, guess there won't be any chance when i'm off.

1 more day...

dearth of personal space

2006-07-11T21:36:00.000+08:00

I feel no personal space. Like a suspect in police custody.

Why do u have to question everything that i'm doing? Why do u have to insist that i repeat everything i've said? Why do u have to try so hard to be part of everything that i'm doing?

I can't even come back from the toilet peacefully.
Everytime i go out for a while, i'll have to report to u my every move.
Who do u thk u are??

Everytime someone hands me something, u juz have to know what they it is. WHY?? Is it so important like a matter of life and death??

Do u know its darn rude to snatch something that i'm doing halfway? Do u know how i feel when i address u by ur name all the time but u call me by "eh". Damn it!!! I have a name!!!

For goodness sake, there are millions of things that are waiting to be done. Quit showing me as if u've got nothing to do and try snatching wat i'm doing. Quit acting to others as if u're real bz doing stuff when u're actually doing nothing productive.

Can't u ever do anything on ur own? Must i always accompany u before u get things done?
Be independent pls. Don't expect ppl to serve u all the time, u're no KING while i'm no SLAVE.

Honestly speaking, I don't hate u. I just abhor ur mentality.

Pls, grow up.

10 cents legion..

2006-07-08T00:10:00.000+08:00

Mr B has done it again. As much as i'm refraining frm turning my blog into a thrashy B complaint box but its hard.

Once more, it happened during lunch time.
At BK, he relayed his order to us (yes, he informed us this time) and he wanted to upsize his "BK Big Fish" meal.

Incident 1....

Guy D: Drinks? (With obvious reference to the choice of drinks)
A, E: Ice Lemon Tea and Barley pls!
B : Oh, drink? eh.. i don't want to upsize the drink.
D to B : Asking u on the choice of drink! Besides, u can't choose not to upsize the drink if u upsize the meal!
B : Okie, Coke.. (quietly disappears w/o anyone noticing and expecting us to serve him.. as usual)

Incident 2....

D to B : Okie, here's the change. (handing him 50cents as B had given him $7)
(Assuming that the meal cost $6.50 after upsizing as most meals are $6 before upsizing)
B to D : Eh, u still owe me 10cents!

Silence and stunned... A, D, E exchanged confused and bemused looks.

To prevent a cat fight from breaking out, D hands B his precious 10cents....

The rest all thought his Big Fish Meal really cost $6.50 after upsize. We couldn't be bothered to check out the price of B's meal.

Is 10cents really that important? Its still money nonetheless but need we (men) be so calculative??

Imaging kicking up a big fuss over 10cents.

Guy A realises that B is selfish. He doesn't want to share his fries (not that anyone will steal his) and even his chilli sauce (okie, this is quite bad). He only squeezes the packet of chilli sauce for himself. B is thrifty (politically correct term) or rather cheapskate. As long as he doesn't have to pay 20 or 30 cents extra for adding rice for his lunch, he will frequent that stall. FYI, his rice intake is 2 times mine and 4 times that of a normal gal's.

B will always wait for A to help him get his timesheet signed every friday. If A doesn't mention bout' the time sheet when the knock off time is up, B won't mention as well., He expects to be serviced by A all the time. B is like the king. Expecting others to do things for him whilst not returing any favours to others.

Selfish.

A,B and E lunch story..

2006-06-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

This happened the other day during lunch. As again, it revolves ard Guys A and B with the addition of Guy E.

Guy A and E knew what they wanted for lunch and they set off to join the queue. Guy B comes along and stands silently behind A & E while fiddling with his phone..

...2 mins ltr...
B to A: Eh, what are u guys queuing up for?
(Guy A feeling a little bit irritated)
A points at the signboard with the images of the food.
B finally realises what he was queuing for liao....

...Another 2 mins ltr...
The noodle auntie was taking orders..

A to Auntie: Give me 3 bowls of noodles. (Auntie acknowledges..)

Auntie to B: What do u want?
B to Auntie: Oh, no. I'm with A and E. Same order one lar..

(Guy A stunned by the comment)

A to B: Eh, B ar.. I din order for u leh. The 3rd bowl is for someone else.
B to A: Not for me? How come u nv order for ME??

(Guy A feeling put off already)

A to B: U nv tell me what u want! How u wan me to order for u??
B to A: I thought u know liao?
A to B: How the hell would i know?

(Guy A is pissed)

B to A: Nvm! (then gives auntie his orders, then turns ard to A) Communication error lar!
A to B: How can there be an error in communication when there was no communication to begin with?

Guy A shakes his head while trying to maintain his composure.
Lunch time is not even peaceful...

Who said filing was simple??

2006-06-15T23:24:00.000+08:00

Before u proceed, take a moment to thk thru this question. Do u file papers above or beneath the respective tabs of the divider found in files?

May I now present to u a short story...

Guy D gave instructions to Guy A and B to do filing. Guy A and B were each given an arch file and divider tabs to file the documents under the respective headings. They set out at different times to complete the task seperately.

Guy A sort the papers by putting them beneath the various categories.
Guy B sort the papers by putting them above the various categories.

...The nxt day...
Gal C needed to find a paper urgently supposedly from Guy B's file. She searched the respective tabs for her paper. She could not find it. Guy D came forth and helped.. But was still unable to find. So Guy A searched thru all the tabs and found it in the tab above.

Below was the exchange when the paper was found;

D: Alamak!! B! How come u file the papers above the dividing tabs???

B: Wrong meh?? Isn't that the way to file them??

D: (faint) Alamak!! Wrong lar!!!

B: Its all ur fault, nvm tell me how to file them!

A: *laughs* (then pauses for a moment) B, who are u refering to? The one who nv teach u how to file the documents...

B: U lar! (refering to A)

A: *Diaoz..* (keeps mums)

Guy A after thoughts;
Who ever thought that filing papers with the dividers needs to be taught?
Wasn't common sense the way to go?

Conclusion:
Who ever said filing was an simple affair??

feng.. passed on...

2006-06-07T21:40:00.000+08:00

Its been nearly a week since my sec sch classmate passed on.

His news came as a shock to me.. I was waiting at the bus-stop when a sms came in.. notifying me of his demise.

Although i'm not a close fren of his.. But counting the fact that our roots go back to pri sch.. there will stilll be some form of emotional attachment no matter the distance, both literally and figuratively.

What made it all worse was the fact that he took his own life. Reasons which remain unknown to us. Speculation speculation is what i've been hearing. I hope it ain't really wat was touted as possible reasons. Not offence realli.. If it realli was, i can onli say this with a heavy heart, he was realli foolish. Believing in that it wld realli bring bout' the end of misery. I feel the pain.

Why? Why? Why did he have to do this...?

Humans are weak? or are they not?

Life is fragile...
I'm adopting a new approach...

Hopefully, its a approach that spells.. s-u-c-c-e-s-s

the day music died

2006-06-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

Massacre!!

The day music died.
The day the uncle murdered music.

I finally understood what the judges of s'pore idol and project superstar had to endure.

A whole 50 mins of mindless, souless rendition of who knows wat songs....

The uncle seating diagonally across me was singing in "falsetto" thru out the journey. It wasn't realli falsetto but some form of undentified incorrigible mumbling.

2th june 2006...
The day music died.

excellent day

2006-05-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

24th May 06. Wednesday.

It seems to be a excellent day.

I've been hearing good news thru out. Although someone bluffed me.

Darn.

I seem to have found my place @ work.

I saw adrian @ the bus-stop when i was gg back home. Lol..

"The Da Vinci Code" - phenomenon? Disappointment

2006-05-20T23:18:00.000+08:00

"Be part of the phenomenon" - Tt's what was quoted from the posters and trailers.

Phenomenon?? Did they quote right? Sounds more like disappointment.

Refering to "The Da Vinci Code" btw. The book was miles better.
I never really agreed with critics and reviews but this time ard, i shld have given them the benefit of the doubt and believed them. The movie was kinda mundane until Ian McKellen (potrayed Sir Leigh Teabing in the show) came onto screen. The critics were spot on for this. He was really the one who lit up the show.

Up nxt...
X-Men 3: The Last Stand

exorcising demons 3/4 done.

2006-05-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

Feeling so much better already.

I found time to breathe and to settle my thoughts.

However, i'm not done just yet. The process is incomplete and progress stands at approx. 75%.

I wish i am able to take a step back in life for now. Just to relax.

Time-out.

Time-off.

need space..once again..

2006-05-13T13:16:00.000+08:00

I'm tired...
Tired of all that's happening ard me..

I'm sick...
Sick of the nonsense that i'm enduring and witnessing..

Please tell me everything is going to be alright..

I need some time off alone..
I feel the need for personal space..

I'll be fine once i've got everything sorted out..

bugged by illness..

2006-05-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

Sick, tired..

Bugged down by a combination of flu, cough and sore throat. Darn.

I'm begining to prefer short entries..

"Daisy" + work

2006-05-02T21:51:00.000+08:00

"Daisy" is an excellent show!
If that's not convincing enough, the show has got Jeon Ji-Hyun!

Work is tiring. Work is mundane.

Getting slightly sick of it.

To make things worse, ppl there don't really interact. I'm missing "planning-hood".

Initially, i thought it was because they had to attend to continuous in-coming phone calls and settle their ever piling paperwork. Thereafter, i found out the out of the 12 ppl, only 1 had served longer than 4 mths there so i thought "Maybe they just need time to settle??" I started to see changes, albeit on the superfical level. Until i spoke to this guy today. "You can tell when ppl are happy when they come to work. First thing in the morning, u're greeted by glum faces" he remarked. It struck me that maybe after all, i was wrong bout' the "changes".

I sense no sincerity when ppl thank you for helping them. Is this the real world; competitive and unfeeling?

If it is, is not no room for "co-opetition"??? (Competition and Cooperation)

What happened to the highly energised and vibrant environment that companies are trying to inculcate?

Its easily observered that ppl there don't have a sense of belonging. They come and leave w/o souls. Working past 6 wasn't a problem for me back in 'G' but now, i will have to consider before i decide to stay on even thou i can get paid.

There ain't bonding. There ain't communication. There ain't friendships that go deeper than the surface of the ice.

I pity the ppl. I pity the environment.

Lunch time is the only thing i look forward during the course of work as its the time when i can interact with the others (majority from another dept).

Uncertain... Reluctant..

2006-04-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

Now that i've got a job and will be starting work tmr, i can't help but feel a little reluctant to go.
I can't laze ard any longer in bed. Will have to cope with the morning hour rush and jam.

So many uncertainties.

Hope things turn out real fine.

Money is the only motivation that's keeping me going.

*Crossing fingers*

Employed.. finally..

2006-04-21T15:55:00.000+08:00

My prayers have finally been answered. I'm finally employed.

Thankful that the search has come to a temporary halt. Note that i will be embarking on another one in 2 months time. I can't afford to bum around for the month of July.

I need to spend time working on stuff instead of watching tv or surfing the internet.

I'm going to have income! Which also means, fun!

work = income = fun!

"Gei Wo Ni De Ai" + "Super Woman"

2006-04-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

So hooked onto these 2 songs..
1) Cao Ge - Super Woman
2) Tank - Gei Wo Ni De Ai

Yup, those 2 MVs that u saw on the very first page..
"Super Woman" is such a tough song cause i can't reach the notes... Damn..
I swear i will master it one day....

Hmm, if u link the 2 songs together, won't u get something like.. "Gei Wo Ni De Ai" bah.. "Super Woman"..haha..
Okie, there is no hidden agenda.. Its meant to be a joke.

job-less

2006-04-05T23:24:00.000+08:00

i seriously need a job..

Big time...

High time...

i'm getting really sick of job searching..

What's freaking wrong with my concentration?!?!

2006-04-02T23:16:00.000+08:00

There something stiring in me and i know it. I had this weird feeling in me the entire week. Something evil.. Something acerbic...
Everything fell into place today.

As my sis put it, an accident always happens when we go tomb sweeping every year. It happened on thursday and today. I scratched my tires rim on thurs which had almost negligible impact. Today, i crashed the right rear of my car into a freaking wall i did not notice. The lights cover was smashed while the car body suffered a slight dent. Damn it! What's wrong with me lately?? Insolent fool! Caustic shame..

I've been having an insecure feeling this week, or rather, lately while driving. I had this omen that i was going to witness something. Lest did i realise that it would happen to me. Damn. I curse myself. I'm so pissed with myself.

Something seriously wrong with my concentration.

ORD Loh!!!

2006-03-26T21:25:00.000+08:00

March 06 has proven to to be a month of double happiness. Firstly, i was no longer required to display the probational plate. Thereafter, its the time where i would be released from my service to the nation.

Yes, today marks the final day. Today, 26th march 2006 will forever be remembered by mankind. So to celebrate this joyous occasion, shuren organised a gathering amongst the kakis @ clarke quay - riverside pt. Dinner was alright, drinks at Kazbar Bar was H-O-T. I'll fill u in on that in a moment's time. Thanks to the following people for making it happen; ex-supervisor aka Shuren... huff-puff aka Hasrul... mr mistaken/misunderstood aka Vincent... mr hair all over aka Joseph.

Now as i was just mentioning bout' the drinks. I only ordered a Blue Lagoon. Only 1 drink. Somehow, thru out the course of the celebration. I was made to down weird drinks. Lemme see, initially there was a B-52 (alcoholic content: approx 25%) courtesy of Jo, then came Flaming Lambroghini (alcoholic content: approx 30%) courtesy of Hasrul and finally, the icing on the cake, the drink that really hit me and caused me to be a lil tipsy; Waterfall (alcoholic content: unknown yet? anyone care to enlighten me?) courtesy of Vince. The final drink was definitely the strongest coz i could taste the ginerly smell. Guys, thanks for trying to get me drunk which you all failed. Sorry for burning a hole in your pockets for treating me. I saw the bill and it was quite ex. Thanks man!! Appreciate it!!

Hmm, considering the fact that i was able to play pool properly. That was a sign that i wasn't drunk. So, discard the notion that i would puke in your car lar!

Tmr's the day where i would find my PINK I/C. Tmr's the day where the mystery of my misplaced i/c would be resolved!!

lorr and tw's 21st bdae..

2006-03-25T13:16:00.000+08:00

i was kinda shocked when i saw a familar figure gettin out of a silver hyundai sonata yesterday during lorraine and tzewei's bdae celebration. Hmm.. Moments ago, Glen was talking to me bout' wanting to see jieying and how she looked like.

Ha, turned out that i wasn't wrong with my initial guess on the driver of the car. Yup, it was jieying. But i was still kinda shocked. Ha.. firstly, she looked kinda weird in that big car. 2ndly, i don't really recall her telling me that she's taking up driving (or maybe she did a couple of months back, but my mind was too preoccupied with other stuff. Haha..). When i asked her, she told me she obtained her license back in feb and was supppose to fail the prac at first. But she pleaded with the instructor and he changed his mind. WTH.. haha..

Alright, so lorr and tw's celebration was kinda weird. I was just there alone with glen and we both felt so outta place. Hm.. I hope if i eventually come ard to celebrate my 21st, the same scenario doesn't occur to my frens.

Poor glen, he had the company of a houseful of gals (mind u, i only knew the bdae gals..) after i left. (well, at least he had jane with him..) haha...

recruitment drive...

2006-03-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

The race is finally on.

I mean, the race to get a job for at least 2 months. I've sent out my resume / CV in application for 5 positions. Hell! I'm settling for another admin job cause i'm too lazy to do sales or similar positions. Hope to hear news soon. Of course, I can't just stop here; I've already got plans to send out my resume to more companies in time to come.

With the number of people turning 21 this year, I'll be damn if i don't get employed with the exorbiant amount of cash i'm spending from my savings due to the loss of constant income. 4 bdaes in the month of March is enough already. (That's works out to be.. 1 celebration per weekend)

Knowing I was in need of a job, Hansel tried introducing me to MLM (multi-level marketing) when he called me this afternoon. Unknown to him, meixuan got ahead of him by doing so 2 years (or rather, 1.5 years back). Thanks for the offer and ya, i know that i've passed on a good opportunity (as quoted from him).

Wonder if Joseph's family company needs a part-time worker... Hmm...

bloody driver.. high beam...

2006-03-15T21:37:00.000+08:00

Drivers who thk they owe the road are BASTARDS. Apologies for making such a general and sweeping statement. However, an incident that took place just really pissed me off.

On the way home, i switched lanes from lane 1 to 2. I signalled and check to confirm the opportunity to switch the lane. As i switched successfully, some bastard driver who was either
1) too busy cajoling his/her gf/bf or
2) talking on his/her mobile
slowed down behind (mind u, i judged the speed that the vehicle was travelling and i had enough time to pick up speed). It was as if he/she had sped up upon seeing my vehicle.
Thereafter, the driver flicked his/her high beam continously as if issuing a challenge or an unspoken threat. Trying my best to ignore the obnoxious yet imminent signs, i carried on where i had to turn right. The driver behind me beat the red light so that he/she was able to give me a taste of his/her stinking horn. A long and loud one. BLOODY HELL!

WAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH DRIVERS!!?? CAN'T THEY SHOW PATIENCE?? WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY RUSHING OFF TO?? WATCH THE BLOODY SPEED LIMIT!

EXERCISE SOME TOLERANCE AND PATIENCE WILL U?

assholes... bastards..

We can all make driving a smooth and nice experience if we're all patient. DAMN IT. LEARN TO BE IF U AIN'T!

underwater world evolution? mint tea..

2006-03-12T12:22:00.000+08:00

I've been watching movies filled with gore, violence and loads of blood lately. "Wolf Creek", "Final Destination" and yesterday - "Underworld Evolution". Hasrul thought the movie was titled "Underwater World Evolution". Bright red splashes spraying everywhere just don't have the same effect anymore. It seems to be evolving into somewhat, a norm; seeing blood trickling down someone's neck or witnessing the halving of someone's head.

As the saying goes, "Calm after the storm". Peace, tranquil - That's the night scene for me. I just love hanging out at night. It signifies a lack of restriction to a certain degree coupled with more room for the immersion of in thoughts. What do people usually associate with the night? Booze right? Not on this occasion for we had arabic mint tea instead. Now, that's what i call a refreshing change. We even did a hilarious video bout' a genie appearing from my mint teapot. Of course, no dry ice was required as we had "huff puff the magical dragon" to aid the effect using his all time favourite - Shisha. Ha.

I love the night. Where trepidation is truly exorcised. The cool breeze gently resting on my face. Where city lamps continue to light the paths for the same crowd with a different agenda. Where busy urban personnel adopt a slower pace to seek release and solace.

Holland Village.. final destination?

2006-03-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday: 7th March (tues)
Dinner at holland v. I thk i'm beginin to love that place. There is a certain rustic feel hanging in the air and at the same time, it seem to harness an contemporary beat to it come nightfall. I'm falling in love with that place. Maybe its just the dinning and drinking places there that appeals to me. Hah.. I guess i won't mind being there for the next few weeks. I cld juz sit there for hours i swear.

It was kinda distasteful, i mean me. I juz wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk. Sleeping too long drains me. Thk my biological clock is not yet prepared at the moment for the break these 3 weeks. I juz cldn't bring myself to talk. Although i did so sporadically. It was juz a totally distastful mindset. Argh!

Mexican food brought a breath of fresh air for all makan lovers. Eski Bar was cool, both literally and figuratively.

Thanks fang for the dedication that caught me and pd by surprise. We were both "stunned"...... but y "Ji Mo De Ji Jie"? reminds me of the dark periods back in JC. Haha.. No, i'm over that already.

Yesterday: 8th March (wed)
Final Destination 3 - kept hearing comments on how gory and bloody the show was but it turned out alright for me. Guess nothing can top the mortuary visit last year. No screams or shrieks in the cinema at all but the gal sitting beside me covered her eyes with a sweater at every opportunity, even when the lead actress was getting off the roller-coaster (eyes rolling..)

My expectations are too high at times.

Just heard from jasper that danny is creaking under the pressure of work. Danny ain't doing wat i taught him. Mind you, i left clear instructions on what is expected of him. I'm gg to brain-wash him this fri when i set my sights on him. (if i rem..)

Probational Plate

2006-03-01T22:37:00.000+08:00

Exactly this day a year ago.. i was given the nod ahead for sweeping thru the lanes of the country..

Today, i've finally shrugged off the ugly red triangle against a yellow background for good. Yup, its the P-plate.

Nothing to shout about though. Nothing to be proud off. Although it feels good sinking in the knowledge that nothing's gonna block my view anymore.

Its just another day...

However, this doesn't mean i can drive recklessly and be a road bully (or hog). My mom told me bout' this piece of news last night; a 19 yr old student who had obtained his license 4 months back had recently knocked down a pri sch kid. The kid died.

Drive with caution.. Don't take things for granted..

managing expectations...

2006-02-23T22:45:00.000+08:00

Managing Expectations...

This is what i'm really trying hard to do. However, i think i'm cracking under the stress....

Mdm wants me to teach danny almost everything which is impossible. There are 2 things lacking; time and his capability. I don't blame him for being a little slow. Hell, i'm sure at least he can think for himself right?

Prioritising your work is one thing, ask questions if u're not sure.. and ask again if u didn't get it the first time round. If u don't catch how a word is spelt after me telling u... ask again!! OR SIMPLY CHECK the DICTIONARY if u ain't sure of a certain word!!!! Just some examples, "fortnight" --> "forth night"...."re-route" --> "re-root"..."malfunction" --> "mulfunction"

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I find it hard to imagine how a person can spend nearly 3/4 of a day typing out 9 pts for the minutes of meeting. What really stunned me yest (and the day before) was the fact that he did not complete a single para (or pt) for nearly 45 mins, during which i stepped out to do some stuff. When i returned, he was still trying to figure things out!! Mind you, i explained the stuff to him before i left office.

He's using my notes instead of his coz there was simply nothing much in his except for 1 liner and half sentences in patches.. He can go into a daze 1/2 way into a meeting.. This is really dangerous. What really irritates me is that he seems to be having the illusion that as long as i'm ard, he can fall back on my notes. He's so gonna suffer....

Sometimes, i really wish i can juz leave him alone to fight for his survival...

All the grammatical, tenses, sentence structure, broken english, singlish (and the list goes on...).. I feel like a tutor everyday now.. Althou i'm one who's losing loads of blood by puking... =O
I have to keep my temper in check and tell myself to be more patient every single day... i wanna live longer...

9 days.. scuba diving...

2006-02-16T22:04:00.000+08:00

I've got 9 more working days left. Time flies...
But i'm still not getting into the mood. There's this feeling deep down inside of me, that seems to indicate i will miss the people, the place. Even when others will leave w/o wanting any memories.

Too many ppl to list down now. Yet, i want to thank them all for accompanying me through this wonderful journey which has been filled with more ups than down. Thank them for turning me into something more than what i used to be.
I will really miss them. Days? Carefree in certain aspects.

I will thank them when the time draws nearer.

Darn, my parents don't allow me to go for the scuba diving course. Disappointed.....

Appreciation Lunch / Dialogue Sessions / Final Lap...

2006-02-06T23:16:00.000+08:00

Just as i settled into the comforts of thoughts that i wld be able to release the rest of the my workload to danny, Mdm had to break news to me...

I now have to organise a appreciation lunch at Holiday Inn Parkview sometime in early March for the steering committee members complete with plaques and certificates (Okie, i'm sore.. I'm doing most of the work for them). That means, confirmation of date, securing the venue, deciding the food, printing the certs and ordering of the customised plaques, admin programme, guest list and GOH... and the list juz goes on. I'm a one man show.. I can't believe it. Is this meant to be the final test? I certainly hope so.

These 2 weeks are going to be pretty unbearable with the numerous dialogue/feedback sessions coupled with meetings. In which, i will need to find time to plan the event and call for quotations frm the various companies.

Give me wisdom and strength.
Its my final lap...

Newspapers, TV, Work...

2006-02-05T14:27:00.000+08:00

I can't believe i remained oblivious to many happenings for the past 20 yrs. I don't have a habit of reading the papers but i thk i will make it a pt now to read it daily (or as long as there are papers available) . It took me a while to understand the importance of reading the newspapers... *sigh*

Desperate Housewives season 2 is hitting the small screens tmr. Alright! Lets pray that i will be able to come home in time to watch it. Ever since i left for my leave, work has been piling up in office and danny (my replacement) can't cope. The dialogue / feedback sessions are too much for him to handle it.

Its time that i started looking for a job. But i don't know what i shld do... I don't thk I can do sales, so put me in front of a computer any time... Haha..

I've been thking alot lately and i'm glad my brain has not ceased to function due to exhaustion.. Ha..

Lunar New Year..

2006-01-30T23:14:00.001+08:00

As i end the 2nd day of the lunar new yr, in front of my computer. I recall the weird events that happened.

I was in the middle of a game when my mom told me to step out for a while, to meet her relatives. "Alright...", i thought to myself... But big mistake as i did. To my horror, my living room was packed to the max when i stepped out (i had the impression that it was only a family or 2 that arrived but there are in fact around 4). I was introduced to everyone (something which i nv realli liked) and then came the most astonishing finding.

Let's see, i knew all along that i have a "distant" relative who is currently studying in SR but another cousin studying in NTU?? My aunt was telling me she'll be into the 4th yr come this august (naturally, i assumed she was a yr older which she looked like it..) but my mom had to rub it in that she's the same age as me (because she's born on 1st Jan.. so she enrolled into sch earlier back then..) Hmm?!? So i was juz toying with the idea that there were ppl studying in the similar JC and Uni, how bout' sec sch?? Then.......... My mom was so excited, she told me the NTU ger's brother was frm Maris.. Haha, it seemed that my life is tracked.. Shocking...

Yaya.. So i was nv close to my materal side relatives, i've not seen more than 1/2 of them before.. let alone know their names... haha.. tt's the reason for the phrase.."NTU ger's brother.."

Haha..

Overall, it's been a pretty quiet CNY this time around...

I need a breather..

2006-01-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

As i end the 2nd day of the lunar new yr, in front of my computer. I recall the weird events that happened.

I was in the middle of a game when my mom told me to step out for a while, to meet her relatives. "Alright...", i thought to myself... But big mistake as i did. To my horror, my living room was packed to the max when i stepped out (i had the impression that it was only a family or 2 that arrived but there are in fact around 4). I was introduced to everyone (something which i nv realli liked) and then came the most astonishing finding.

Let's see, i knew all along that i have a "distant" relative who is currently studying in SR but another cousin studying in NTU?? My aunt was telling me she'll be into the 4th yr come this august (naturally, i assumed she was a yr older which she looked like it..) but my mom had to rub it in that she's the same age as me (because she's born on 1st Jan.. so she enrolled into sch earlier back then..) Hmm?!? So i was juz toying with the idea that there were ppl studying in the similar JC and Uni, how bout' sec sch?? Then.......... My mom was so excited, she told me the NTU ger's brother was frm Maris.. Haha, it seemed that my life is tracked.. Shocking...

Yaya.. So i was nv close to my materal side relatives, i dun even know their names... haha.. tt's the reason for the phrase.."NTU ger's brother.."

Haha..

Overall, it's been a pretty quiet CNY this time around...

I need a breather..

Chase TT bugger..!!

2006-01-23T13:55:00.000+08:00

Oh yes.. it finally spells the 2 weeks break that i had been longing for.. but as always.. good times flies.. and sooner than i wld expect, i will be back in office.. till then, lemme savour every moment of this break.. well-deserved i wld add...

fri nite / sat morning : a period of disappointment, anger, anxiety and also a period of reflection when we failed to execute swift actions.. with "the one that got away"... we weren'tworried about the consequences.. but the thought of wat might have (and cld have) been juz pissed everyone off.. "i shld have speeded up..".. "we shld have tried to..."

we can onli look back and reflect on the areas of improvement.. and not repeat it.. nv be complacent...

now i truly understand the anguish of missing out.. tt guy will wish he nv met any of us if i ever see him again..

weekends : was a lazy weekend as usual.. which gave me ample time to recharge my batts which ran low after staying up all nite.. no matter how much i sleep.. it nv seems enuff.. my eye bags will always remain.. What?? was that panda i hear?? haha...

CNY is fast approaching.. i've not done my new yr shopping (not tt i do..)..
Oh, and my DVD player shld be coming on either tues or wed.. now i finally have something to entertain myself.. (okie, and my guests...)...

tired.. workshop is tmr...

2006-01-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired.. way too tired...

tmr marks the last major event (tt i can thk of) that i wld be embarking on during my short stint in Planning Office.. after tmr (or effectively, in the wee hrs of sat morning).. i will be able to enjoy a well-deserved 2 weeks break.. (hopefull, mom doesn't tell me to do lots of stuff for CNY..)..i need a break.. a v long break.. seemed overdue from certain angles.. ha... my energy is being sapped outta me in the run-up to tmr's workshop.. so much left unsettled.. and things seem to fall back on me.. i have to pick up the pieces and fix the puzzle..

Running a workshop / event isn't easy.. esp when u have ppl ard that doesn't do their job.. or rather.. nvm.. i shall stop here.. shldn't reveal too much..

i realised, i will crap non-stop when i'm juz tired.. juz like today while i was driving and driven.. haha.. its good to hear ppl laughing.. it helps to lift the jadded spirits... like mine...

screwed @ Tq..

2006-01-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

i screwed up at the TQ auditions.. big time man...

sang z-chen's "may i love u" in the end.. darn! i shld have went with alex's "jia gei wo".. but this is juz an after thot..

was so nervous my voice juz wasn't stable.. and i mixed up certain words which lead to me munching my words.. "dictation" - 0 pts... "showmanship" - 0 pts...
results wld be made known on the 20th.. but my guess is as good as any others.. i won't be able to make it pass... a lil' tad disappointed in myself.. coz it juz wasn't my usual standard.. y can't i overcome my fears.. if i can.. if i can.. i wld...

enuff of harbouring thots on public performance.. i'm not cut out for such stuff..

Yanzi's concert yest was FABULOUS.. althou the crowd was mellow.. i saw a couple of older generation uncles and aunties turning up (w/o any kids).. and they were simply "watching" the event.. wat happened to interaction during concerts.. i was trying my best to indulge in the atmosphere.. but when i look ard.. it seemed that i was brought back to reality..
Yanzi turned out in a realli stunning yellow dress .. haha.. her opening song - Feng Zheng, was simply breathtaking.. i was in awe... she's realli unique.. i can't elaborate more.. u shld have been there in person...

Now, i've got a headache.... ache... ache...

Selection of Songs...

2006-01-08T22:51:00.000+08:00

I've got another headache.. Its still bout' the selection of songs...

1) Alex To - Jia Gei Wo (personally like this song..)
2) Z - Chen - May I Love You (downgraded to 2nd preference now..)
3) David Tao - Liu Sha (I like the challenge.. but i'm afraid i can't rch the notes when faced with stage fright and pressure..)

Argh!!

Oh, and i juz read fang's blog... haha.. bout' unexpected changes @ the dawn of things.. haha.. tt happens... and also bout' lorna disappearing.. HmmMm.. Another evelyn act?? (as quoted frm her..) Now, tt wld be interesting.. cld it be the 3rd potential making in the wings...?
Haha..

Wing - attached... Me - Lost..

2006-01-06T21:47:00.000+08:00

It came as a shocker... when wing stepped into the room.. and he announced..."i'm attached liao.." w/o any burst of emotions.. i swept it aside as "juz another statement"... but when i finally registered the pt.. which took me a whole 5 secs... i came to life... Lets see.. in a space of 2 months... 2 of the guys are outta the club... tt's an alarming stat to boot considering the period when everyone was single and unattached....

So pd had finally registered wing for tq nxt sun.. i got a call from the org committee this afternn, informing me of the audition details..

Date : 15th Jan 06 (Sun)
Venue : Tinybox Music School
Time : 3 pm

and my i/c is one tony (he sounds a little on the soft side..sshh)
Now i gotta decide on 1 song and grab the vcd... which song wld it be??
1) Z-Chen - May I Love You (my initial preference...)
2) David Tao - Liu Sha (pd says that i shld choose this.. make or break session)
3) Jay Chou - Jian Dan Ai (wing and fang advise me to sing jay's song.. but others told me not to..)
In the end, i thk i will opt for (1)... Someone pls confirm my choice...!!

talentquest-ed...

2006-01-03T21:50:00.000+08:00

And in a moment of madness whilst on the train back home yest... we (pd and me) will be joining eve and sc in "talentquest"... omg... now i've gotta decide wat song to sing.. and we're waiting for wing's reply as to whether he will join us in the quest for madness.. haha.. So its juz a small competition, i keep telling myself..

Nxt Sat will be the auditions.. i hope i will have enuff time to learn the song... i also hope i will have enuff time to rush to yanzi's concert..

i hope.. i hope.. everything turns out well.. not onli for me.. but also for the rest of the crew..haha...

happy new yr...!

2006-01-01T15:05:00.000+08:00

2005 - a yr full of crap.. shit.. and more crap.. and more shit.. (ya, u get the idea so far...)
As we wave goodbye to 05 and usher in 2006 with a bang.. literally a bang.. there are many things that i wanna do.. so many things still left unattended to... Okie, i will try to set my new yr resolution list ltr...

We spent the last bit of 2005 bitching bout' life.. joining talent shows; talent quest, s'pore idol, superband.. Hmm, now tt we speak.. actually, i'm quite tempted to perform.. but i'm afraid i can't make the cut.. i know my own voice.. i tend to go with the pitch of the singer.. therefore, i dun have a voice of my own.. tt's the problem.. imagine if i sing a few songs consecutively with different pitches.. now, tt's not the style of a singer right...

Okie, moving back.. pd shouted and told the entire city hall (i'm exaggerating ) i was a police officer.. and i got stares from ppl.. then we were juz bitching bout' life on esplanade drive aka the bridge where the merlion crossed to move to its new home, the guys did it again, they were exclaiming bout' joining s'pore idol.. and they shouted "Singapore Idol.." and i got weird stares again..then they were starting speaking bout' being the first 200 to register online for SI.. coz i wld be entitled to a free goodie bag.. supposedly, it wld be good luck.. i luckily, most ppl din see my face this time rd coz the street lamps were turned off...anywae as the bunch of us waitin endlessly for the countdown.. wat we did not hear was.. yup, the countdown.. so in place of it... eve had kinda like started her countdown... during the 5 mins from 11.55 to 12.00 midnite.. she started gg.. "5...4.." in bursts (say... 7 times??) ... she even tried the melayu version.. but she cldn't count backwards.. so we had to endure with her which seemed like eternity.. haha..

The sky exploded in a array of colours admist the anxiety and excitment.. no one.. not a single soul knew that 2005 had come to a close.. haha... so we juz stood there admiring the sights which captured the imagination of the people.. i realise, most ppl are fireworks suckers.. haha.. juz look at those events, e.g. ndp, we can nv seem to get enuff of fireworks eh.. haha.. Oh, in addition to the major mobile networks being congested.. we also had a mini communication breakdown after midnite for a good few moments or even longer..haha.. it was like all our brains were clogged aka "no network coverage.." haha

Afterwhich, upon the departure of fang, sc and wing.. and the arrival of lorna.. we headed down to clarke quay / riverside pt.. to brewerks (i thk tt's how its spelt..) to juz chill out.. oh, i met up with meng kiat.. tt bugger was there with 2 gers.. haha.. (lucky ass.. kidding..) Ya, so we had.. beer! nope, not tiger, carlsberg.. it was home-brewed beer.. pretty nice thou it was my first time drinking beer.. ha.. and i was on the verge of being drunk.. due to the mixture of beers in my cup..(rem, dun ever mix alcohol, it will become stronger aka alcohol poisioning..) I cld feel my head spinning a'lil... but i cld still walk in a str line.. thk properly and orientate myself... I ended up as the person who drank most again.. coz somehow i was losing all the games that we were playing.. WTH.. and wing, thanks for ur sms.. but we (me, eve and fang..) came to a conclusion.. lorna's not such a good drinker.. in fact, i thk i can drink better than her..haha...

Therafter, we headed down to chinatown for food... coz lorna said she was hungry.. pig... felt so much betta after drinking tea sia.. When it was time to head home.. our nitemare for the nite began... there wasn't any cab available... we waited from 4 till 5.30 (in the rain..).. before we found ourselves on the path home.. gosh..

I can't seem to fall aslp any more.. despite slping for only 5 hrs +.. mayb fatigue will settle in tonight.. i felt so energise while hailing a cab.. i had the urge to run 2.4... weird..

Okie, my new yr's resolution... to put it simple.. its realli v generic..
1) To study harder...
2) To enjoy life more...
3) To feel betta...
4) To meet all the above resolutions...

WTH... haha... and finally, to my avid reader (if any..) Happy New Yr!!

X'mas Celebrations!!

2005-12-26T11:12:00.000+08:00

Its tt time of the yr once again!! Where we spread joy.. (no.. not collecting ang bao...) Its X'mas!! Merry X'mas everyone!!

Right, so a recap of the events that happened over the weekends...

Date : Sat 24th Dec

Time : 1330 (for helpers..)

Venue : In a secluded area of paya lebar.. @ lorna's hse lar dud..

Okie, so we had some miscommunication and misundertanding that arose within days of the event which almost threatened to throw all plans into array.. but we managed to deal with it all a step at a time.. So.. Preparation time!! .. I won't touch much on this coz nothing realli transpired.. ehrm.. i'm commenting.. lorna doesn't know anything bout' her kitchen and bout' cooking.. haha.. thk the rest of the helpers had a betta knowledge of cooking.. okie, mayb eve can join lorna in the "CMI cooking" classes.. And fang made customised santa hats for all us with our names / short form... way cool!

So it began... BBQ started.. the pit was way huge.. did not prepare enuff charcoal (my fault...) I din realli help in the bbq-in (opps).. din eat realli much.. dunno y too.. health conscious? haha... Pics speak a thousand words.. so i thk i will pose some of the pics when i get them frm pd.. hmm.. there was a mini drinking session that took place.. i thot i was safe from alcohol coz i was driving (rem, if u drink dun drive).. but eve's sis's bf's family members din let the guys go without at least a mouthful.. i had 1.5 cups and they wanted me to drink even more.. lucky thing lorna dragged me out sia.. *phew..* i guess i juz ain't comfortable rejecting the older generation (no offence intended if u sense any)

Ahem! okie, highlight!! highlight and most impt thing of the day - gift exchange (the guys are suppose to buy for the gals.. and vice versa.. all allocations of personnel were done via balloting)...! Things went smoothly.. luckily.. for the guys, kudos to all of u for making everything a wonderful nite with our plans; the presents and flowers all went well.. superbly well i wld add.. And bob, u've done it! U've given SC the most wonderful x'mas present she ever got from x'mas..(quoted from her blog..) See, have a lil tiny wee bit of confidence in urself.. it does wonders.. not onli for u but also for the others.. (u cld tell from sc's face that she was the happiest living person on earth at tt specific moment.. ) haha.. Hmm, as for the guys' presents.. all of the shirts looked realli nice.. hmm.. thereafter, it was adjourning for the nite.. as we retreated back to lorna's hse.. A pity i din stay for long coz i had another stay over @ ming's hse on the 25th.. i figured out that i wld realli be darn tired if i actually stayed on @ lorna's hse...

Well, after fang and wing gave out their x'mas cards... i felt realli bad at not giving anything extra.. haha.. so i sent out personalised sms to each and everyone.. thanking them in diff ways.. cool eh..

Imagine if this celebration did not work out.. it wld have been disastrous.. We stuck together and weathered the miniature storm.. "Its the beginning of many good things to come..."

Date : Sunday...
Details : i'm too tired to type it out.. basically.. it was juz a very simple nite.. with the gathering of frens.. did nothing much.. but i guess i did catch up with a certain few.. which was juz so nice...

moving to aust?

2005-12-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

As i type this entry on a chilly sunday nite.. i do it with a heavy heart...

Becoz tmr's monday.. its been a week away from work (okie, i still got sms and calls) but at least i wasn't checkin e-mails... A week of simple, plain fun.. and now all's back to square one...

Fri's meeting with zhiyi was pretty hilarious.. haha.. sharing the moments of flashbacks thru out the 5 yrs.. and also sharing insights... Ha, hte same thing happened to her.. she met her sec sch frens in the coffee corner.. unexpected meetings.. haha.. tt seems to be the tune at the moment eh.. and i keep running into ppl...haha..

Sat's meeting with eve and pd.. hmm.. tt day was totally crappy.. i told eve of a certain decision i had made a couple of days back.. and pd juz listened on..(coz i already told the guys).. haha.. and wo-ho! Eve's attached..! the president it so gg to be the first to be kicked out.. at least she's leading by example.. hmm.. and i speculated that pd will be attached in 2 yrs time... haha..

Well, during the 2 days.. we touched on the issue of me leaving s'pore.. to settle down in aust.. hai.. as we spoke.. thoughts.. emotions juz ran thru.. honestly, i wld find it difficult to uproot myself to move to aust.. but i also can't bear to see my family split into 2 lands.. at least.. i can't imagine leaving my parents if they do decide that aust will be the nxt step..
Wat if.. wing and ching man decides to head back to HK, lorna decides to study overseas.. and me.. moving to aust.. the grp will be left with onli the handful.. anywae.. tt was juz a thought.. u nv know.. things might nv even happen...

Jokes.. Irony.. Shoppin

2005-12-15T22:33:00.000+08:00

Joke.. A big fat joke! That's the term which i wld use to describe the day...

First and foremost.. the person who wanted our help to buy presents ended up gg home early.. and not to mention, empty handed.. yes... tt was Bob... The rest of the guys set out knowing wat to get for the gift exchange.. and it was onli him who had no idea... so being naturally nice.. we decided to go out and get the presents.. the rest of us went back with our stuff while bob.. yes.. grr.. nvm bout him... he kinda put me off today.. okie, i admit.. its not onli me.. it was us.. he wasn't even trying to look for one.. it was like.. he was dazzled.. in a world of his own.. i tried so hard to motivate him.. as pd can attest to the fact but i was drenched with cold water by bob replies.. Of course, he will argue that he's trying realli hard and that ppl will nv like the presents that he has chosen.. wat the heck.. i dun have the natural flair of chosing presents unlike wing... or the very patience of pd... but at least i tried my best.. i was struggling to help him.. not to mention myself...grr.. there's still more comments.. but i dun thk its nice to publish it here on my blog...

Then came the joke of the day.. soon after bob left.. we headed for far east.. for dinner.. and we ran into the gals.. lorna, eve, fang and their fren.. sitting in the same eatery.. *jaws drop*...
i juz cldn't believe it.. who wld have thot thursday was a safe day for shopping.. hai.. nvm.. mixed emotions ran thru me.. apprehension, confusion, etc... i juz cldn't believe my eyes.. crap.. No, it isn't wat u are thking.. its juz that.. too many things have happened during the entire course of the day... i juz wasn't enable to absorb it like a sponge.. it was.. like.. an overload.. It was juz a day filled with coincidences, where wing saw his cousin at the very same eatery.. and i saw familiar faces whilst in far east.. and also heeren..

Oh well... looking forward to nxt sat.. hope it will be a eventual celebration... shit.. i'm still left with another 8 more presents to get.. i'm dead...

X'mas was nv so stressful.....

Walkin the lonely road...

2005-12-15T13:59:00.000+08:00

Okie, its time to put an end to all of this... all this while, being dazzled by the confusion that surrounds me and my life... its time...

I've decided!! i'm gg to come out of this stronger.. betta.. (okie, mayb not betta)... but at least now i know which way i'm headed.. I'm simply not ready for any of this... as much as i wished the road would not be long and lonely.. but I'm really not... really not ready.. thking simply brings me back to ol' times when i thk i failed terribly thru' out the 1.5 yrs... i was immature.. i was rash.. i was.. rubbish... I'm not gg to let this bog me down further.. Now i want to walk this road alone... snap out of all this illusion that others had been incarcating me with... I'm not gg to be swayed...(ya.. u ppl get the pt already...).. so instead of urging me.. y not show ur encouragement?

Pls refrain urself from making any more comments.. thanks.. would really appreciate it..

Now, i feel so much betta... i'm gg to enjoy every bit of my life..

I juz wan things to be back to normal.. back to the way it was... before the entire eposide started.. Just let it be will ya??

"隐形人" - 孙燕资

2005-12-13T14:19:00.000+08:00

One of my Fav Songs for the moment..

Turbulent Times of late

2005-12-12T15:57:00.000+08:00

Wow, its been slightly over a month since i last blogged.. Din realised it was TT long..

Where shld i begin first? Hmm, well.. to sum it all up, its been a pretty turbulent period tt i've had to endure lately.. Both at work and in my personal capacity.. Hm, but i shall start the entry with some great news! I've looked thru the calender and it appears that i'm only left with roughly 9 more working weeks to go after i clear my leave and mind u, i've actually planned out my leave schedule for yr 06! My replacement shld be coming nxt month which i'm eagerly anticipanting... hope he's good..

Okie, now for the not so spirit-lifting news.. nothing's realli been smooth sailing at work of late.. i can't seem to conc on my work and tt spells trouble.. Mdm put in across as "holiday mood" during lunch the other day but i beg to differ, i'm not in the mood, much less to say for ORD mood. Dan's last day wld be this friday (16th) while johnny is starting to clear his leave as well.. the 113th intake is gg off soon while the 114th are waiting in the wings.. Surprise surprise, johnny's signing on as a regular civilian officer, if he's selected, he wld be counting down my ORD instead of me doing it for him.. ha!

1st Dec - D&D @ orchard hotel... the food was okie, the MC was excellent! According to mdm's resouces, the MC is one of the top 3 in s'pore. Woah! Too bad i walked home empty-handed.. Well, i had the consolation door gift to fall back on.. so...cheers~

Outside work - i'm confused... i'm outwitted this time by my frens.. i'm on the losing end.. nxt move.. wat nxt move??? I'm not gg to waver.. juz remain on my foot.. Haha... kidding.. Mayb i shdl juz ignore other's comments and juz conc on my own path.. i shld not be swayed by other's inputs.. Hmm.. mayb i shld speak to zhiyi soon.. she's the ever trusty counsellor i can turn to advice and vice versa for her lar.. I realised i'm a good listener but not a good advicer.. Shrunks..

I'm on a week's leave.. juz rotting @ home.. if u wonder y.. i'm trying to clear my leave.. tt's y..so i took time to give my blog a "face-lift"..

Someone out there give me a sign.. show me the direction.. i'm quite lost lately... pls...

20 liao lor....!

2005-11-07T22:02:00.000+08:00

Alright... i'm officially 20 as of last thurs.. haha...
Here's wat happened for my bdae...
1st person who wished me happy bdae: Zhiyi... (u nv fail to shock me.. with ur impeccable timing)
sad thing : man u lost to lille in champions league.. which i woke up to watch... grr...

afternn:
Guys... i mean... shuren, edwin, victor & gf, johnny, joseph, vincent, benjamin, nelson, robin... thanks guys.. was pretty touched to see u guys (esp those whom i've not met in a realli long time... u know who u ppl are..)
Sincere thanks to Shuren for organising this get together.. =)
I'm showered with gifts... which is something that happens once in every 20 yrs... (wait.. so tt works out to be the 1st of its kind... haha) Thanks for all the presents... Lunch @ seoul garden, bugis... gosh... nelson's table can realli eat... Eh.. wait.. they have.. vic and nelson together... which accounts for... say... 4 ppl.. vic = 1.5.. nelson = 2.5... haha...
btw, i wun forget my shirt with red chalk... thanks leh... =O

nite:
eve, pd, xj, wing.. thanks for taking ur time and efforts in coming out to celebrate my bdae... realli like the watch... and i guessed it correctly... it was adidas..hah.... fish & co was on the menu... but i din realli eat.. coz seoul garden was still in my stomach..haha... Yes, they din something which they wanted to do a long long time... smashing a cake... they did tt at coffeebean (open air) outside borders... yes.. but all in the name of fun...haha...
okie.. i thk i'm unmarketable.. coz eve and fang had the same wish for me.. which is to get attached.. haha...

day after:
met tzewei, lorraine and joshua (whom i've not met since the last gathering after 1st 3 mths..)... haha... dinner @ ding tai feng paragon... i miss my xiao long bao.. haha...
gosh... those 2 gers are getting lucky with guys... who knows... i might be hearing good news from them soon...hah...

day after after:
okie.. the description of the day doesn't exist.. kids, dun follow k...
sat was work... got deployed for PAP party awards... was deployed for stand-by duty initially.. in the end... realli stand-by johnny sia.. coz he was alone... haha.. so juz kept him company lor.. standing for so many hrs str is tiring... esp when the full weight of the arms is borne by the belt at the waist.. back pain.. places great stress on the lower back... but it felt good to be back in deployment.. office work is suffocating me.. haha... i like to go out at times.. its a kinda relaxation for me... althou responsibility is present...

Summary of Bkk trip - 28 - 31st Oct 05

2005-10-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

Alright guys.. here's a summary of my Bangkok trip.. Pls note, all time stated is in accordance with s'pore time.. Fyi, bkk has a time diff of 1 hr.. e.g. s'pore 1230 = bkk 1130... okie?

Day 1:
Arrived ard 1615.. transit to the hotel.. dropped our bags.. and all hell broke loose.. haha.. shopping...! Although it was onli for a short duration.. coz we had something on at the later part of the day.. Besides, the walk along the market - Pratunam market... which was juz a street down the hotel...

Day 2:
Chatuchak Weekend Market! Huge.. The place was realli huge.. (jaws drop).. We din manage to finish walking thru the entire place.. thk it wld have taken us 1 entire day juz to finish the place.. It was like bugis street.. albeit more narrow and more variety.. and yes.. larger.. bout' 200 times larger.. haha..

We were walking past this shop selling jeans.. and all of a sudden, the shop owner ( i presume) stood up and touched my stomach.. *shocked* Took me a couple of secs to register this.. and the funny thing is he knew i came frm s'pore.. Wat the hell is wrong with these ppl??? Can't they juz keep their hands to themselves?? Luckily i'm a guy.. if not.. pls imagine the consequences urself...

Headed to Mah Boon Krong aka MBK in short... Shopping mall.. kinda like.. far east in the size of the IMM building... haha.. Stuff for youngsters... haha.. did foot massage there.. pretty good..

Bought Barcadi Superior @ 7-11 for 147baht.. Alcoholic content = 37.5%... (we drank alcohol every nite in the hotel room before slping... haha)
Wow.. It took us 2 nights to finish the bottle.. mixed it with Coke thou.. haha.. But i guess the drink was realli strong.. coz i slpt realli soundly.. Unless it was all the walking that tire me out.. fyi, we walked practically everywhere.. i thk i managed to balance out the food intake and the "exercise"...haha... And Man utd lost 4-1.. crap.. watched the game back in the hotel room.. grr...

Day 3:
MBK - Chinatown - MBK.. Tt was realli it.. Watched "Doom" @ MBK's cineplex.. 120baht.. Show was pretty crappy.. but since it was cheap.. its forgiven..haha... They forced me to do go thru the traditional Thai massage.. my bones were bout' to crack.. Wondering why we had so many massages?? Coz walking was the main mode of transportation during our stay in bkk.. haha...

Day 4:
Home sweet home @ 1555 hrs.. We took BUSINESS CLASS back!!! Apparently economy class was full and they upgraded us.. Took a 747 and sat on the upper deck... so cool!! The gulf in class, service was apparent for all to see... Wow.. but i dun thk i will be taking a biz class anytime soon.. i'm not in tt league yet...

Summary:
Okie, u guys betta listen up there... Those who had specified ur present.. U betta not complain of me buying it wrongly or the design is not nice.. I will kill u.. And those had had asked me to buy presents for them... dun blame me if my taste is not up to ur standard.. Coz u guys made me spend all my cash... Appreciate it k? =)

COS.. devasted...

2005-10-19T21:46:00.000+08:00

i'm not in the best of moods.. glen juz told me a piece of really bad news this afternn.. and this would affect my future greatly.. coz it affects my COS (cert of service).. i will most prob get a "unsatisfactory" or at most a "satisfactory" grading... which is like.. a grade "e" and "d" respectively.. y? Juz becoz i've been thru a disciplinary case before..

It set me thking.. y am i working so hard? I shld juz do the minimal.. and not embark on any other special projects e.g. "Taboo Singapore".. I should not care so much for the HT thingy.. my future is already set.. i see no pt in doing the stuff well anymore.. y izzit that i can't be graded on my performance after the case? I'm not arrogrant or wat.. but i thk i stand amongst the best SCs / PNSFs that u can find..

Just fyi, the COS affects the work interview in future.. I'll look realli bad with such a grade.. I'm totally devastated.. seriously... if i'm not a "A" grade worker.. I'm at least a "B"... tt's something tat i'm pretty sure of...

Totally devastated..

vic, tx, lorraine, ht meetings, bangkok

2005-10-17T22:35:00.000+08:00

lemme see.. a recap of the past events...
1) meeting up with vic and co.
2) meeting up with tw
3) meeting lorraine
4) HT meetings
5) bangkok tix..

s/n 1...
venue : marina south
eatery : steamboat bbq...
ppl : vic and gf, vince, edwin, johnny, joseph, dan, shuren, nelson, robin.. and most imptly.. the man who made this happen.. ME!

Highlight of the meeting wasn't the food.. (okie, mayb it was for nelson..) hm.. it took a pretty long while for the entire gang to arrive.. but when we did.. it was all talk.. pretty little eating.. haha.. i guess it was the perfect opportunity for all to bask in the past memories.. haha..
Headed to Katong for a cup of teh..milo peng.. and a short session of nonsensical crap.. Yes, they always have to bring up the fav topic.. the e-mail thingy.. i'm always the one at the centre of the insults.. haha.. darn, i miss those times when the entire gang will juz hang ard.. bitching bout' this and tt.. haha... good ol' times..
Bowling was nxt on the agenda.. althou vic and gf din stay.. so did johnny (who went str home after the dinner).. so it was left to me to lighten up the mood.. heavy responsibility on my small shoulders eh? haha.. Althou i bowled very badly.. far below my standard.. but it was the funniest game of my life.. serious.. dead serious.. the rest of the ppl there must have labelled us as a crazy bunch of guys... roaming ard..haha..

s/n 2...

Billy Bombers was for dinner again.. 2nd consecutive time we had it while meeting her.. haha.. but i'm fine with it.. Hm, but i had a prob with the very first waiter who served us.. I cldn't make out wat he was trying to tell me.. his accent was so strong.. mind u.. it was like an indian accent.. We watched "Into the Blue" before tt.. show was avg.. the only +ve pt was that Jessica Alba is SO HOT.. haha.. yes.. she's got a body so toned tt even gers would be jealous...

s/n 3...

Yup, met up with lorraine after almost 2 years.. haha.. gosh, i almost cldn't recognise her initially.. haha.. well, they say ppl change eh.. but one thing bout' her tt still remains intact is her laughter.. haha.. tt wild and hilarious laughter.. i was so afraid that she might juz explode and be the centre of attention during the course of dinner..

s/n 4...
HT meetings and stuffs are kinda driving me nuts.. There are times where i juz wanna take things into my own hand and delegate the stuff... There's some kinda communication breakdown and i'm the middle man.. Luckily, i'm holding on pretty well.. (at least in my view..) I'm so worried bout' the sector's performance and the HTES Workshop, it seems that nothing is in progress.. no formation of the working grps.. i'm so worried that i can't ORD with a big bang... but it wldn't be nice for me to raise my concerns up to mdm , as she's pretty drained out by her other portfolios.. and HT is getting on her nerves... I'm only a NS officer.. y shld i be worried bout' so much? hai.. Spoke to lta lillian this afternn and the phone, she was pretty lost bout' the entire HTES workshop stuff too.. had to explain and clarify some stuff.. hope the meeting to SD would be pretty okie.. She sounded quite shocked when she knew i was handling the HT stuff almost alone.. presentation slides, minutes, filing, sending of e-mails, etc.. she even thot i was a regular officer.. haha.. now tt's funnie..

I wonder how my replacement will cope when he comes in jan...actually, i'm v worried.. Mdm sharreen suggested that i list down the stuff i do to enable work distribution.. she's afraid that the new guy won't be able to handle everything at one go too.. and no, i'm not saying that i'm capable.. dun u even start with the thought tt i'm arrogant..

s/n 5...
Yes, i'm gg to bangkok.. finally, after days and weeks of discussion.. leaving on the 28th and coming back on the 31st Oct.. Everyone's asking me to buy stuff back for them.. First it was eve.. then sis.. tw.. lorna, fang.. i'm gg broke.. So many ppl's bdae coming up too.. argh!

I'm so broke.. broke..

Successes! hsa and taboo s'pore..

2005-10-08T12:19:00.000+08:00

I survived the visit.. with flying colours.. the inital skepticism i had in my was washed away upon entering the premises.. my eyes grew wider.. i waited in anticipation.. i cld not believe my eyes..
this was a life changing experience.. i have now realised how vunerable humans are.. how much we are not really wat we really thk we are made out to be.. life is precious.. mayb u all shld also.. the visit sure wasn't for the faint-hearted..

so much for being vunerable.. i have fallen victim to the flu bug.. thou its nothing serious at all.. hai.. makes me wonder who else out there is plaque by illness or injuries even more serious than me.. *i can't get the images outta my head frm the visit yest, its still freshly imprinted in my head.. seems like it had left its mark on my life.. *

"Taboo S'pore" worked out extremely well.. The results were even betta than i had expected.. Someone commented that this version was harder than the orginal amercian version while another told kelvin that he was pretty impressed how we (the office i wld presume) managed to conjured up such stuff.. Looks like my hard work paid off.. i mean our hard work.. all the brain juices which i had lost seemed to be perked and replaced upon hearing such comments.. althou the ppl did not get a chance to know who worked tirelessly behind the scenes to bring them such a successful and wild time.. ppl might even give credit to others by mistake.. its not the recognition that i want.. but at least pls acknowledge my pressence.. dun walk on by like i have nv existed..

if only.. if only.. too many qns.. too many regrets.. too many mistakes..

Taboo - Local version by me! HSA visit...

2005-10-06T22:18:00.000+08:00

"Taboo"...Amercian Version..frost..watergate..? How bout' trying "Taboo" Local Version... roti prata.. milo dinosaur (not to mention police..) Yes, u've got it right... There is currently a version out in the market catered for the local police community!! Its been completed by none other than your friendly neighborhood (no.. not spideyman) SA... me! I named it "Taboo S'pore"... Haha... Crap.. althou it contains onli 200+ words... which pales in comparison with the original version (mind u.. its doubled sided... ) which has a total of 500 or more cards..

imagine this...."1 man, his supervisor, mind-bogging feat.. and their will to survive.." 200+ words coupled with the completion of the art work is 3 days..... tt's quite an achievement eh? but i dun thk anyone will appreciate my hard work...
Yes, "Taboo S'pore" will be put to the test tmr... hope it passes with flying colours... This is my first attempt at recreating a game.. i thk i shld start an entertainment company.. called HAShBROwn..(join the capital letters together...) haha.. i should be getting paid... kidding..

All the talk of nominating me for cmdr's award.. i thk i will nv be able to achieve the award.. not to mention the plaque... i thk i can forget even the cert.. regardless of wat i do at work... it juz nv seems to be enough for others.. i will flunk at the panel.. juz becoz i've a record.. even adrian confirmed that fact.. which johnny backed.. arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... blame myself and no one else..... sounds like a "yellow ribbon" project? haha.. no.. i've not been to jail before..

I'm feeling under the weather... my throat is drying up.. i'm beginin to cough... i have a headache!!!!!!!!! I wanna scream to relieve my frustrations!!!!!!!!!!!!!! find me a place and time.. anyone who wans to scream with me?

Tmr is the visit to hsa.. i hope i dun puke upon the sight of... *private and confidential*...

I am not in the best of moods lately... i feel guilty thking back now on my manners to certain individual (whom i shall not name...)

Sequel... KL trip, DC visit, Sat's makan and Drink...

2005-10-03T22:22:00.000+08:00

This is gonna be a long entry... i thk... hm... First stop, the KL trip...

Wat can u expect when 4 guys embark on the journey in KL?? haha... i guess u would strike out shopping from the list of "To-Dos".. bUT STOP!! u're totally wrong! In fact, we spent 60% of our time shopping... isn't tt amazing? haha.. okie... 38% was spent on eating.. so u cld see how most of us ended the journey...haha... 2% : slping... haha
i bought stuff!! Tt's gotta be the biggest news, earth shattering news! haha... Yes, i bought 4 graphic tees (of which, i simply love 2 of them... haha), a sling bag and a pair of nike sneakers... shH, wat did i hear? fake nike? yup... but it looks too good... simply enough for me to ignore the fact that it ain't real... haha... although the trip wasn't realli tt fantastic... but i thk it was good enough for a mini breakaway... away from work.. (even thou the rest of the guys on the trip were frm the same division...grr...haha)

Came back on sun... and the following tues was actually DC's visit... Gosh, monday was frantic... rushing ard to ensure that stuff were alright... praying that my presentation was working properly... the song and videos would not die on me cum the actual day... Luckily, it went smoothly.. heave a sigh of heavy relief... *phew*... oh look! i'm driving the police vehicle to develop photos...! And its an auto... i can't imagine me driving a manual... thou i can't wait to have a feel of the gear and clutch again... i guess i miss the changing of gears but i thk my fears will overpower my confidence... i juz don't believe in myself anymore after attending the conversion where i almost got into accidents... mayb i was juz too nervous then... mayb not... who knows? me? i wish i knew...

Sat... hectic day/night... can't believe the distance i travelled.. here goes... suntec, ntu, far east sq, geylang, amk, ntu, simei and finally home... rched home ard 5 am on sunday morning... i feel so sinful... been eating so much for the past 2 weeks... (but KL food was pretty cheap and good... or mayb it was juz the currency...) i feel that i've sinned... argh! need to run... run run run... run run run... run run run... run run run... but i feel so tired... cannot... shld shape myself... i shall begin running tmr... (if tmr ever comes... haha)

Someone please motivate me to run... pls? any kind soul who would be nice enuff to push me?

Thanks!

Prequel to KL trip...

2005-09-22T22:09:00.000+08:00

Tmr's the Kl trip... i'm juz about done packing my stuff... dunno y... but i dun seem to be hyped up or excited by it... could it be due to the impending visit coming up this coming tues? I can't put my finger to it... or mayb its juz the company... but i'm gg with so many of the other guys...
darn.. in preparation for this trip... the other guys have been asking me wat i'm gg to do... its like.. everyone is directing their preferences to me.. hey, do i look like the i/c? haha
Lately, i feel that everyone is looking to me for directions... Even my Mdm noticed.. She commented this afternn when she asked if i was gg for lunch... "Gg for lunch? Or waiting for ur kaki (frens) to come and find u? They always find u mah..." Gosh.. my interpretation... to put it crudely.. its like.. i'm their nanny...althou sometimes i do feel like tt..haha... or in a nicer manner... their contact point... .. i'm the youngest amongest them... yet some look for me for advice and directions... i'm more than happy to be playing such a role... but at times... u can't expect me to be superman and accede to everyone's request.. please be understanding.. k?

Work sucks.. i'm overloaded once more... 4 mtgs in 3 days... 5 minutes of mtg... 1 visit...
I feel tt i'm victimised at work by certain people.. this makes me sick... i'm stigmatised...
Argh! enuff of work.... I've had enuff for these 4 days...

supper... dc visit...

2005-09-11T22:15:00.000+08:00

Nightfall: I just love to bask in the peace and tranquility that it brings ard... But i onli get to enjoy it when i'm out for supper... and mind u..food isn't the main focus.. Its the atmosphere that allows me to thk... conc on my thoughts.. yep.. i'm having more white hair now...

Y am i diff frm others...? i ask myself sometimes... y can't i be your regular guy nxt door...

argh! DC visit is coming ard.. i'm still unable to find the song for the presentation/montage... i'm soOo dead... anywae.. eve, thanks for the songs that u recommended on sat... hope big boss and 2nd big boss will be alright with one of those...

first-aid course... @ tracom...

2005-09-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

woOH!! I'm on course again!! the mandatory 3 day first-aid course (if i dun attend... i can't ord...) .... @ tracom... its simply heaven....!!! No more blk 85 hawker for 3 days... early dismissal... can u imagine gg home @ 1600 hrs...?? Shiok!! if onli it was like this everyday!! Haha....

btw, the onli down pt of was that the course was kinda crappy lar... pretty bored sitting in the class... learning onli minute additional stuff tt i've not learnt before.... I'm onli looking forward to the lunch and dismissal time!!

Shadows of the Neanderthal

2005-09-04T12:21:00.000+08:00

Its funnie how ppl keep posing questions to me...the even stranger thing is how i even manage to ans them... hm... am i weird..? i do thk so at times... as i type this blog... the sky is getting darker... seems like me life... bleak... haha... lighthouse... lighthouse...

I've already made up my mind... i ain't doing anything bout' certain things... if it flows... good lor.. if it doesn't.. i'm fine with it... seriously... some ppl shld juz take things easy... dun be so stubborn and be open to ideas.. i was reading the book... "Shadows of the Neanderthal" by David Hutchens. Its about mental models and how it limits our ability to share insights and make progress. It also touches on how we should learn to surface, share and challenge our own and others' hidden beliefs and recognise how they inform or misinform on wat we do. A short book with wicked humour... Its bout' a caveman named Boggie and his frens who refuses to come out of their cave juz becoz they refused to challenge their beliefs although Boggie eventually did and accepted the new information. There's this model called the "Ladder of Inference" which is darn true... about how we often select certain stuff, make assumptions, draw conclusions and thereafter adopt beliefs... V interesting... I wonder how long i will rem wat i read... haha...

diarrohea....

2005-08-23T21:33:00.000+08:00

The most dreaded 4 letter word in my life... S-I-C-K... i think i've gotten food poisoning stage 1... the stomach cramps... which nv seem to go away... and also diarrohea.... sick... sick....

Nomination day cum netball competiton

2005-08-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

waking up @ 4 isn't fun... slping @ 4 isn't exactly thrilling too... wonder how lorna does it.... *blur*....
anywae... this is for yest entry... 17/8/05...

4 am : woke up to drag myself to report for duty... the taxi uncle din make my journey to station any betta... in fact... he worsen it... the bright spark? it was onli a 15 mins ride... *phew....*
okie.. so the crowd thronged into PA like water... and oh... i saw the CNA reporter... darn... she interviewed someone beside me... TWICE.... i wasn't captured on tv at all... i think she must have hated police officers... haha... kidding....

1.15 pm : the deployment ended earlier than expected... which was good lar....
went back to work after returning my arms... while the rest of the officers headed home... some of them labelled me crazy.... haha.... but wat to do...? i had the HTES mixed netball comp after work....
so had to struggle with my tired and exhausted mind to work for the remaining 4 hrs at my workstation...

5.30 pm : headed to Kallang Netball Centre... ya... netball...u must be wondering wat the hell i'm doing playing a female sport... all in the name of fun... for 4 guys who onli played the nxt closest thing... bball... i think we did pretty okie bah.... played 4... won 3...we lost to prisons... the prisons team are always playing in some inter-carnvial thingy lar... so they are darn offay with the game... even the guys... gosh... i think they have a dedicated team for this... okie...

conclusion : staying awake for 20 hrs (standing in the hot sun and running ard the netball court thru the course of the day...) isn't fun esp when u have a mtg the nxt morning..... the panda is back to haunt me again... my eye bags... grr...

pe....nomination day...

2005-08-16T19:40:00.000+08:00

okie... i'm deployed tmr for nomination day... any one who wants to visit me can do so from 0700 till 1400 hrs tmr at people's association....
gosh... gotta slp early today... have to rch station by 0430 hrs....

roller coaster... emotions...

2005-08-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

the past week has been a roller-coaster ride.. luckily i managed to come outta it alive... went for my class 3 conversion from tues to thurs... almost got into accidents... got critised that my judgement and observations skills are lousy.. was darn demoralised on tues... wed was much betta.. flooring the accelerator in the driving circuit was darn fun... esp when petrol is free... haha... thurs was okie... y a roller coaster ride u ask... the emotional swing is drastic.. (as if it wasn't plain enuff... haha..)

i think certain things are hitting back to me... but i'm not certain bout' it... it feels like it.. the look... the movements... the thoughts.... the aura... its all so overwhelming... i'm certainly overtaken at times... hm... BUT... i'm not thkin bout' it... i'm in control...

its been a lazy sat alright... but i think tt's good... i'm sooOOo deprived of proper rest... as they say... resting is in preparation for the longer journey ahead... (okie... so its a direct translation... dun luff... ) yep... NDP is on tues... most prob will be on duty... dun be shock to see me in moi full-u with my arms ard city hall... haha... tt's a sight to behold... haha...

freaking.. listen.. count down... grr...

2005-07-26T22:26:00.000+08:00

ppl dun listen do they? or at least... do they even bother to try? haha.... communication is the key to everything... everything... gosh... i wish some ppl could juz keep their gap and juz listen... instead of juz gg on and on and on.... *sigh* after the NKF saga... there's a need for transparency for almost everything... haha... well... i guess its good lar... if onli ppl put it into practise...

the initial D ost is good... haa... althou i prefer onli 2 of the 16 songs... track 9 and 13... track 13 is the background music when they were at the beach.. haha... darn relaxing...

shaking certain things outta my head... like... counting down to ORD almost everyother day.. makes me feel like i'm gg off soon... which is totally wrong.. haha...
ppl ard me are all leaving... shuren and nelson joined the ranks of "legions"... shuren for further studies... nelson.. haha... to be a teacher.. gosh... i will miss him fer a yr before bumping into him at the NTU premises.. haha... soon joseph, hairul will be gone too... ord fer them... then dann and johnny.. before me... *grumble*... hang in there... exactly 8 more mths to go.. tt's a comforting thought... haha.... i wan my replacement to come soon!!! haha....

red... sick... green... envy....

2005-07-18T19:02:00.000+08:00

red... red... i see red... haha... bloodshot eyes.. anger... red is the colour now... green... envy... trees... blah blah... oh well... green is the colour of things to come.. haha! i can't seem to do things that i wan to do... i need to watch my words... i'm binded by restrictions... Shrunks.. this sucks.. haha...
there are so many things gg on... i can't seem to get my life in order... =GEM= is alive!!... surely and slowly draining my energy away... i refused to accept that it was before that... but now... i see it all so more clearly... i can't grasp the concept of how the puny little brain of mine works... haha... and worse... i'm being reminded of stuff whenever certain things occur... crap... need a betta brain... haha...

does it sound all so foreign to u?? haha... tt's the way its meant to be.... its my jargon... sorry peeps.. u guys will have to take a back seat this time ard... haha...

its alive... its alive.... haha....

i'm dying under the pile of work... 3 dialogue sessions... 4 meetings... argh... it ain't fun when u're the one doing all the recording... and for goodness sake... my grasp of the english language is terrible....

nnnnooooooooo.... my stomach doesn't feel that good now... must have been eating too much lately... time to watch my weight and wat i eat.... oooOooooooooOoo.... feeling sick.....

most prob red... now amber leh...

2005-07-09T18:48:00.000+08:00

One pt to clarify.. having a dark and gloomy blog doesn't reflect my mood k... haha... just that i'm too lazy to change the layout and colour schemes from almost 2 yrs back.. haha...

Btw, eve.. i ain't sad or anything..as u wrongly predicted.. coz i wasn't expecting anything in return lar.. i juz realised it yest... slow huh.. haha.. so now i'm fine.. fine... v fine.. okie.. juz abit tired.. zzz... haha... but still a little confuse lar...

Work is tiring.. and to think that i've only been back at work for a week.. too many events coming up nxt week... got loads of running and paperwork to complete.. prepare this... prepare that.. okie.. so i ain't realli the main player with the cards.. but with so many stuff on hand.. i guess every little bit counts in the added list of "To-Do"... haha... seeing "urgent" on papers is even scarier.. Hey.. i ain't suparman k.. neither am i spideyman or battyman.. haha...

And yes.. i gotta learn to be less long-winded and naggy... if not i'm juz gg to turn everyone i know off... haha...

confusion... thoughts running... relaxing...

2005-07-04T21:09:00.000+08:00

Okie, i'm blogging once more... Been doing loads of thinking... Just to fuill u up, i've been on a week leave last week.. needed some time-off from work and to go for a trip with my jc frens... well... its been a fruitful and enjoyable trip... y fruitful u might ask... coz at least i took my mind off work... but in the end, was loaded with other thoughts... anywae... today was back at work and for once, i din have to drag myself to office like any other monday morning, so i guess the trip paid off...

Just a little something from my trip.... Hm, 4 days... 3 nites of suffering slping on a hard "bed" if i could even call it one... Gers who spend $$ like there's no tmr... nah, kidding on that point... to round up the trip, i got attacked by the flu bug... and now i'm coughing and still suffer from the occasionalm "reminder calls" from my nose... darn... during the trip, although its juz a small little trip to m'sia as some of u might snudge it off aside, but i guess i realised loads of stuff... Seen the side of ppl that i've nv seen before.... Minor stuff that magnifies into real big stuff...

Bob, a quote for you.... "Like the leaves that fall, love will pick me up once more...."

Anywae, as i was saying... Been doing alot of thinking... not that i wanna think... but i'm a thinker.. should there be a moment that i dun think, i thk there's something wrong with me... i'm confused once again... darn... CAN'T i ever be certain on something????!!! I dunno wats wrong with me... Since that day... i thought i could juz put it aside coz i interpreted it as over... but now someone comes along the way and tells me that the race is still on??? i dunno wats the status now... haha... gosh, am i blur or wat? i need to listen properly... I NEED BETTA LISTENING SKILLS......... i think i need to chill off a little........ yes... tt's wat i need.... directional signs.... traffic lights.... road blocks... gosh... wat the hell am i saying???

Gropping my way in the dark
Courage can bring me only this far
Unspoken strength i seek
has it forsaken me?

i blurted it out!

2005-06-12T18:02:00.000+08:00

Well.. I’m glad I blurted everything out… now the pic is clear and I feel much much betta… I guess…Hm, time can be a double-edged sword.. it works both for and against you… at least now that I’ve said it out, the load that has been consuming part of my life is gone… althou’ things were not in the right direction (I kinda expected things to go in the other direction.. was mentally prepared for it...), but nonetheless i’m still happy that some things remain unchanged…(or has it changed???) Could this juz be a temporary feeling that I’m trying to hide? Am I trying to numb myself be void of all emotions? Hm, I’m asking myself this question but I guess mine’s as good as urs.. I dun think so.. I think I’m really fine… Eve, if u’re reading this… I think u know wat happened lar huh…no prizes for guessing… hahahah… Anywae, I’ve juz finished reading alvin’s blog (training unit one lar…) and althou he doesn’t come across to me as a supa intelligent person, it seems that he has a natural flair for writing (minus all the grammatical errors and stuff…). I din know he makes such witty observations and remarks.. He takes my breath away… hahaha… kidding.. and to think that such observations are things that have escaped my eyes… darn… hahaha..

“Patience will lead u to greatness… Play your cards close and wait for the right
time… You should be strong to overcome any obstacles… Its all up in ur mind…”
i'm still learning.... still grasping... still resolving... still... still....

brains + heart = thoughts?

2005-05-20T22:36:00.000+08:00

Hm, been thinking and pondering for the past week on certain stuffs.....

Anywae... been wondering on the following... when making decisions, which equation do u follow?

1) Brains = thoughts = actions

2) Heart = thoughts = actions

3) Brains + Heart = thoughs = actions

Some ppl tell ya to follow ur heart... others, ur brain... now which is which? i think its the 3rd option, but that leads me to to an all new confusing state of my mind coz i can't seem to make up my mind... grr... irritating... do i think a lot? hm... questions to ponder.....

I'm searching for answers... i need answers.... need to see the light of my life...

joe's entry...

2005-05-18T22:42:00.000+08:00

i dunno.. but as i was reading joe's blog.. i could realli understand wat he's gg thru.. joe, if u're reading this (thou its highly unlikely..), i can't offer any advice... i'm not a guru (as aaron can testify...) but the least i can do is that my line is available if u wanna tok to someone thou its been weeks after it occured... i saw his some words which he wrote @ the end and it was realli emotional.... guess it got me into the swing of things....

"Distant is the feeling, hurt is the man...

Soft was ur touch, fallen way too hard...

Once the closest but now its the end...

How long before life begins anew?

Just for me but not you.

I guess this is making me ponder and reflect on the reality of getting into a r/s during NS...Too many tales i've heard from others... wondering if this will deter me from getting into 1... should i decide to ty to get into 1...

CNY

2005-02-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

Its getting dusty in here. phew... But i think i would onli be able to log in once a while now that this fad is dying a natural death - at least to me. Lets see, my workshop is finally over and now my new portfolio will be to aid settle the financial matters in the division. At least i'm breathing easier now. Haha.

Its THE time of the year now; CNY! Happy CNY to all! Collect more ang paos ar...
Gosh, now that the workshop is over, it seems that there's a void in my life cause i've been buried in work for the past couple of weeks and now that the stress is finally over, i feel pretty uneasy. Man, i think i will need to find more work to do. Haha... Am i psycho or wat? Geez... I think i betta think of ways to fill up the empty spaces in my life. Study? Revise the 'A' levels stuff (my mom wished i could do that... grr)? Mayb should juz have a balanced lifestyle. Haha.. Arh... Got it.. Haha...

Okie, do i look dishonest or wat? Y can't ppl believe me when i say "no"? Its seems that no one believes me whenever i say something. Think i betta get down to changing their perception of me. Lol...

New year, new start... Time to put the past behind. Come on ppl, u can do this too! Lol...

work is killing me..

2004-11-06T16:26:00.000+08:00

I feel that i'm losing the interest to blog for the time being, or mayb its juz a sign of things to c0me. Who knows? Been super bz that i'm practically drowing in work.. My worktable is juz so messy and i can't find time out to actually reorganise my stuff. Its been a week of meetings after meetings.. minutes after minutes.. filing after filing.. e-mailin after e-mailing.. ya, i guess u ppl shld know by now how bz i reali am. I've got so much documents to prepare and returns to collate. The respective ppl are not responding, which makes my job harder. They ain't making my life easier. I feel so suffocated. I wanna tk leave! Mayb i shld take it nxt fri, then got a super long weekend to look forward to, onli need to work 3 days. Ha! Still gotta work nite shift ltr on to clock my 14 hrs. I'll be as dead as a fish (or wateva u wanna compare it with) tmr morning i guess.

Due to all the work, i have been staying in office till a little longer, therefore i have this strong feeling that my mom thinks

1) I'm attached, so i'm not returning home early

2) that i fancy some ger so i'm spending more time with her

The truth is, i'm not! Everytime i say i wun be coming home for dinner on weekdays on i'm goin out on weekends, she'll question where and who i'm gg out with. This is accompanied by the querky smile on her face and its seems to signify a hidden agenda. Haha.. Ya, sounds lame but its true.. She onli does this when she feels that i'm hiding something from her.. But this time ard, she's totally wrong bout it.. But its realli weird that she's thking along this line. Juz hilarous.. Haha.. No, serious, its really funnie coz i dun haf the time and the courage to go meet new gers.. haha..

oh well, such is life and the people ard me..

gastic flu? hope not...

2004-10-29T22:11:00.001+08:00

Don't feel good now.. Thk it must be the gastric i suffered this morning which is causing all the discomfort. Too bz to get breakfast from the canteen down beside the lobby.. Have the odd feeling telling mi i might be vomitting soon...

Someone, help me get thru this... .... ...

p/s: Still considering getting the Samsung E-800C instead.. So cool!.

so sick... sick... to even thk of a quote..

gastic flu? hope not...

2004-10-29T22:11:00.000+08:00

Someone, help me get thru this... .... ...

p/s: Still considering getting the Samsung E-800C instead.. So cool!.

so sick... sick... to even thk of a quote..

Fri, sat sun...wow...

2004-10-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

Its been such a long time since i last blog? Wow..
*Gasp* I went for a hair cut today and the result turned out to be terrible. My hair is SO short now that its like i'm back in training. Yes, that short. I look dumb now.. ArgH! I know its only hair, but it means everything to me!!! Oh, i thk it does..
Lemme see, what interesting things happened for the past week..
Fri: Had farewell dinner for Benjamin and Vincent, at the same time, it served as a welcoming dinner for Steven and Kelvin. After which, the whole office dropped by Far East Square for a couple of drinks. Ppl, u know i dun drink rite.. But somehow, my supervisor felt it was time to me to down alcohol down my throat.. Sabo me sia.. She ordered this drink called "Flaming Lambroghini" (However u spell it..) and when i was drinking it, the waiter was like, "You betta finish this up. Its $25 man.. Dun throw up k.." I was like.. "Wah.. So ex.." Yes, dumb response, juz like how my hair looks now. After the drinks, we went to catch a midnight movie "The Grudge", felt so shortchanged for the show. Nvm, dun wish to harp on that liao. Only reached home at 3am. Wow..
Sat: Had my 2nd lesson of driving. I thk the blog is gonna be a journal for all my driving lessons in no time. Haha. It was way much betta this time ard. Hardly stalled except for the few occasions. I'm getting the hang of it. I betta get the hang of it before i get HANGED by my instructor. Learn U turning but i only did it say, 6 times? Betta than nothing lar..
After lesson, headed back home to celebrate my grandmother's bdae.. Nothing reali much.. Juz a family gatherin and a dinner. But i guess i was too drained out from my previous nite out and therefore, i din reali enjoy as much as i shld.
Sun: Headed back to work. Sian, had to clear the PPCRs on TRAISI. From 10 till 7 i was in office clearin the stuff. Lunch was spent at Vincent's coffestall. Feeling happy for him coz he seem to enjoy tendin the coffestall for his mom. At least he smiled loads of times. Hm, freedom smelt so sweet. Can't seem to wait for my day.
After work, headed down to Parkway to check out the price of Samsung 800 something. The new sliding phone but it was juz way too expensive. Then Nokia 6260 caught my eye. Sleek but bulkly i should say.. Hm, keeping tabs on the new phones coming out.. Haha.

Tmr gotta go scout for new phones with Victor!

"Quote"

Reflections provide us with clearer clarity on who we are, what we want and how to go about doing it.

Driving..1st lesson...

2004-10-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

Okie, here double the dosage.

Yest:

Had my 1st lesson of drivin. Man, was it terrible when i first started coz my car stalls almost at will, gotta admit its my fault as i'm still unable to master the half-clutch technique. Blame myself? Ya, kinda coz i feel so stupid. Wished i had more talent in driving. Grr.. Okie, my instructor a.k.a Uncle Tan was like.. "Step on the accelerator a little bit and then slowly release the clutch until biting pt. When the car starts movin, hold onto the clutch and allow the car to move a little while more before u release the clutch." A little bit on the acc?? Hm, okie.. So a little bit k.. "VrOom! VrOom!" Tt sounds like a lot of oil.. Doesn't seem like a little bit k..*panic panic* *Jerk Jerk* and then stalled. "Aiyah! U release the clutch too fast! Nvm, lets start again. Free gear, start engine" "VrOom! VrOom!" *Jerk Jerk* Stalled. I thk i'm more talented in stalling the car. Stress.. Gear changin wasn't much of an issue, but moving off from gear 1 certainly was, and still is.. I can actually stall the vehicle from red light - green light - red light again, this is terrible. Luckily, it was at Ubi and there wasn't reali much cars. Thk i realli got to master the half-clutch coz its all so impt! Give myself some time. Okie! That's it, by the nxt lesson - i will conquer the technique. Uncle Tan even asked me to drive to kembangan and that reali freaked me out. Hello?! It is onli my first lesson and u're asking me to deal with the big boys on the road?? On top of that, Eunos was having a mini jam and it certainly did not boost my confidence at all. Heck, i still managed to drive to the MRT station w/o stalling the engine. *Pat on my back, job well done for not stalling the vehicle on the main roads* I hope that did some good, blostered my confidence. I reali hope so.. No more stalling of engine, tt's a promise i muz make.

After dinner, headed down to PS to mit up with joe, hui and the rest for "White Chix", well, supposedly PS. However, when i was on the bus at city hall. Ming called me.."Hey, where are u now? The movie is not at PS, its at Bishan".. Ehrm... Bishan?? Wow, tt's nice, now i gotta make my way down to Bishan and i dun exactly reside near there. A promise is a promise, besides, they have already purchased the tix and since i haven't seen them all in quite a while, oh well, juz go lor. The feelin seeing them all, nice..nice.. Haha. The show ended at 11.45pm and i had to ask my dad to pick me home. Feeling kinda guilty bout' that. Btw, the movie was kinda lame but overall, not that bad.

Today:

Met up with lim jian, ronald and alex ix today. Baoyan and chris was suppose to turn up too but who knows wat happened to them. They juz kinda performed the disappearing act. *Phow* smokes.. Nvm bout' them. So we ended up playing pool and i thk i derived something. Mayb i shld juz quite playing pool.. Driving, cannot. Pool also cannot. Wat else can i do? Haha.. The onli time i won was the v last game before we left. After which, me and jian went to grab a snack, had a nice chat. Gosh, its been ages since we sat down to talk. Btw, i juz love miting up with frens and talk bout' life, everything that has happened. Am i kinda emotional and sentimental?? Hm, tt's for you to decide. Muahaha.. Walked ard Parkway and then headed home. Wanted to catch "Pearl Harbor" on channel 5. Its one of my fav shows.. I'm an tv addict.. Haha.

Jian, if u're reading this.. I meant shld u by chance read my blog. This is for you. Enjoy ur attachment but dun forget ur fren here k!

"Let time bring you along. Take time off to consider things. Nv harbor too high an expectations for it might be ur biggest pitfall and undoing. 2 mths isn't v long. All that will happen will happen and in the event that it doesn't, take it with heart that wasn't meant to be. Take care during these 2 mths in China and hope ur dreams come true lar.. "

Oh well, tmr's another week. Gotta work.. Monday blues..

"Quote"

Expectations can be one man's greatest undoing

PDL..yeah..? Haha

2004-10-15T21:08:00.000+08:00

I juz obtained my PDL today and my instructor said he will book the test date for me. Hm, does it actually make a difference? The earliest date that was projected on the board reflected "25 Feb 8.30am", still a long way to go. Wonder if my test date will be how much later than this. It seems super long liao.. News that faruq will be taking his exam on the 26 Oct seems to make things worse for me, mentally at least.

Starting my 1st lesson tmr, wonder how it will turn out with all the new stuff. Haha.. Interesting..

Picked this phrase out from somewhere..."The only time ppl defend themselves occurs when they themselves are unsure of their position"... wat do ya thk? logical? V logical to me.. Hm..

Well, thats all for now. Closing another chapter in my boring life, according to fang and lorna.. Haha.. Till tmr!

*Stay tuned tmr, same time, same channel!*

Till then, the next installment of "Ways of a boring life!" Tata!

Passed! Advance Theory!

2004-10-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

Pass! Pass! Pass!
Yup, u heard it 1st on 98.7 fm.... -_-"
Ehrm, wateva that was. Thk its getting into my head. Oh well, nvm. I passed my advance theory of drivin liao. Yes! That means i will be able to go book my test date for my practical exam but it will be a long long time, from wat i heard, it will be sometime in Feb or March. So loooooong... I can't wait to get the toopid license so i will be able to drive legally on the roads. Okie, some of you ppl will mention PDL, but no! Its a totally different thing altogether k. Anywae, i will be starting my first prac lesson this sat, i juz hope i will be able to master half-clutch aka biting pt of the vehicle and also the changing of gears smmothly. Not juz changing of gears. So many things i wanna learn but its gonna tk some time, so i hope i wun rush myself mentally and as a result, put added pressure and stall the engine as many times as the letters in this post.

Aaron, "might" does not equals to most likely. Even if it does, "might" has a "not" written behind in the tagboard. To sum it up, in both ways, u lose. Haha. Well, dun wanna tok bout' such stuff for now coz its still a long way to go before sch starts for me. So i will take everything in my stride and when the "time" comes, i juz hope i will be more oblivious to it. That's the only thing i can do now rite? Besides, i nid to conc on my NS, need to redeem myself ya know.. Need to do loads of stuff. Yes, u heard it rite.

Work work work.. Never ending work, lest for me. Cause even though i'm done with my stuff for today, i haf a strong feeling that there will be some stuff for me to complete tmr. Home Team.. Ya, got a feeling that will be it.. Grr.. Haha..

"Quote"

Nothing left inside of me

Emptiness is all i see

Fishing? Movies? Dilemna no more..

2004-10-09T22:23:00.001+08:00

Did you witness S'pore Idol on thurs and the results on fri? Poor ol' David got eliminated. In my perspective, he is one of the more down to earth ppl you can find there, humble and funnie all rolled into one. Haha. Its sad to see ppl not voting for talent and instead rooting for their frens. Yes, i agree that we shld support our frens but i thk there shld be a clear line btw talent and frenship as the stages proceed on in a competition. After all, this is S'pore Idol.. Not "Make your fren an idol" contest. Know wats the most ironic thing? I dun vote... Haha. I'm juz hoping that in the later stages of the competition, talent will shine thru instead. Those who shld be in, will be in.. Those deemed weaker than others will be out. Hm, juz a passing comment. Food for thought anyone?

Anywae, i was suppose to mit up with either Peide and co for movie or with Victor to go fishing. In the end, my mom had to run some errands and i had to acc her. Furthermore, Vic cldn't find his rod and neither had i a rod. So, how to fish? Haha. Mayb i cld throw Vic off Bedok Jetty but i guess the only thing it wld attract are the guards. Haha. He isn't, btw, a good catch (jokes, jokes..). No offence meant. Juz wanna poke fun of him like he always does to me.

I was suppose to work tmr to clear some of the online stuff. However, shuren juz called to inform me that the system used to track officers' progress is down. DOWN. This means, no work tmr. Kinda disappointed as i was kinda looking forward to working on Sundays since no one is ard the station ( i mean the other staff workers) and i wanted to experience it. Nvm then, i have another 3 weeks to experiment. Working on Sundays btw, doesn't mean i'm a workaholic. Wonder how will i be spending my day tmr. Hm..

You know, i was toking to Zhi Yi ( it was a long time since we last talked) on the fone and we were like discussing stuff bout' relationships coz she's kinda in a mix with all those rumours flying ard her clique and then with some skill, the target of the conversation was arrowed to me. Instead of me doing the talking and advising, she ended up playing my role. Explaining, analysing and advising me on changin some of my personality traits so that i will be more susceptible to the idea of making frens ( am i a introvert or wat??) and mayb i might find my "dream girl" blah blah blah.. She kept emphaising that NTU will provide me with loads of opportunities and SMU is even betta. Kinda rebutted her that it takes 2 to clap/tango and i thk it somehow threw her into a entanglement coz she did not know how to carry on. Haha. I thk i'm good at this kinda rebuttal stuff. Oh crap. Hm, mayb i shld heed her advice and who knows? Things might flow in my way. But there's always one lesson to learn - Nv become desperate, coz when you do. U tend to create an invisible energy ard you and this repels others away from you. Who knows, you might have juz pissed your prospective partner off. Seems like i mentioned this in one of my previous posting. Anywae, tt's a piece of advice for Vic. Haha.. Mayb Aaron can take that and store that in his brain as well. How do you counter this? To become unattached and not uninterested in relationships. I mean, to not be attached in the sense of falling into the trap of becoming desperate. It doesn't literally mean unattached. Rem this coz its quite handy and true to a certain extent at least to me.

"Quote"

The greatest love of all

Come from deep within

verdict..soon will be over..

2004-10-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

I've not even had a single moment of rest today. Its totally contradictory to what i thought yest. I was wagging "war" with files and papers today. Mdm asked me to do some hse keeping today and at 1st i thought it was onli 1 cupboard, who knows.. In the end it turned out to be 2. Btw, may i add that i'm onli done with say 1/2 of the 1st cupboard. There's the need to shred the papers to ensure they dun fall into the wrong hands but.. I dun thk anyone wld actually want all those information. Furthermore, before shredding, me and robin had to ensure that the staple bullets were removed 1st so as not to spoil the shredder and boy.. Now my fingers hurt, well, tmr's gonna be another hectic day and i've yet to complete work assigned by shuren. Ehrm.. Not tt good huh..

With regards to my case.. The verdict is out and its a warning and extra duties but the lucky thing bout' it is that it will not be affecting my promotion and my C.O.S (cert of service). I'm so thankful for this!

Thk tt's all coz i dun wanna spend too much time online tonight. Feeling kinda tired after all the tearing of papers in preparation of shredding.. tk care guys~

"Quote"

Appreciate the things you have

The value of it is for you to decide

weekends? confidence...

2004-10-03T22:13:00.000+08:00

Oh, tmr is monday and shuren will not be in the office which means i'm alone. He's on course for 3 days and therefore i will have to find something to keep me occupied till he returns. Thou he has assigned me work to complete but i thk i will be able to complete them in one day coz even he felt that it wasn't alot. Vincent on the other hand in in Vietnam for the entire week for the study trip organised by SPF and after which, his stay will be short. Hm, so now its left with mdm, ben, robin and me to help cover these ppl's duties thou robin focuses on design, and i'm on PDS so good luck to ben! Haha..

How did u guys out there spend ur weekends? Weekends as we are all acutely aware, is one of the most impt time of the week, mayb it isn't to u, but to me.. It bears significance and so to say that i din spend my weekend wisely is just like slapping myself in the face.

Ya, that was the case for this weekend. Coz i stayed home on both days. At first on sat, it wasn't reali that bad coz it provided me ample time to rest and recover from a week's work which can be totally draining. Getting myself mentally and physically back on track seemed to be the ideal thing to do after a hectic week but as we all should know; too much of something is nv good. Today, once again i did not go out to relax and enjoy. The onli time i stepped outta the hse was when i acc my sis to change her hp and that was it. Stayed home the entire day and i felt so cropped and stuffed in the hse. It definitely damaged my mental health to a certain extend and it made me feel that mayb working isn't reali that bad after all coz at least i'm able to interact with the rest of the guys at work. I think my health was also affected coz the air at home was so stagnant and it provided me with bouts of headaches. Things were quite bad that i went cycling ard my estate after dinner and indeed, it revitalised me quite a bit. Cycling ard my estate reminds of tzewei, who btw is my "sis" haha... Not onli her, but also her bicycle coz it broke down the last time we cycled ard. That squeaky little bicycle of hers which is almost impossible to accelerate at a speed higher that an average person who's running. That was aged ago and it brought back memories, been quite a while since i last saw her, hope to be able to meet up with her soon. I guess sometimes being single can reali wear u down huh? Then again, there are always 2 sides to the coin and i understand that being in a relationship can also be the case. My conclusion? Everyone needs to be loved and be emotionally adored from time to time to somewhat reassure him/her of their worth to others. Or mayb its juz me? Hm...

Have u ever encountered situations that make u stop and ponder whether ur life has been fruitful up till this moment in time and then u'll juz be thrown into the deep end and it strikes u that u're actually in a dilemna. Humans are juz nv satisfied with wat they've got be it emotionally or in material terms.

Life is nv the same again...

"Quote"

Self worth affects confidence

Confidence affects oneself

leave, advance theory...

2004-10-01T19:01:00.000+08:00

ha, i was on leave yesterday but i guess i was too engrossed in other stuff that i forgot to blog. Hm, so how did i spend my day? Waiting for time to pass, readin my advance theory book over and over again. Interesting huh? tt's like.. so my life..

Anywae, my advance theory. I dunno if i wld be able to pass coz i had doubts bout' some questions but nonetheless, i picked the most sensible and safest one that wld not pose much danger to other road users. I wa shivering while doing the paper, it was a race against myself and time. Haha. Oh well, but then as i was at qn 40 of the book, this ger from behind picked up her bag and juz strutted out of the room - time check: 10 mins! Wah! Tried my best not to get distracted as i went about completing my test. Alas! i finished - time check: 11 mins. I raised my hands and the examiner choked as she dranked her water, "Finished? Hand the booklet and paper to the front." I stood up and handed in but as i was doing so, thoughts ran thru my mind, "Was tt ger the 1st to complete? She seemed like it but she did not hand in her script and none of the examiners seem to notice one candidate had already walked outta the door." Rumours said that in order to pass, u muz be the 1st 5 to complete the test, in addition, u can't make more than 5 mistakes. Man, if tt ger was 1st, she was damn fast at answering the questions. She muz have took like 10-11 secs for 1 qn... As soon as i handed in my script, i turned ard and the rest of the candidates looked up at me and then started to panic as now it was a race against themselves. Hm, hope i do get good news in 2 weeks time. Grr.. Heard that the next avaliable practical test date is in Feb nxt year so i guess by the time i register, it wld be sometime in march.. SO LONG!!

"Quote"

Make things work for you,

Dun work for things.

for cindy

2004-09-28T22:12:00.000+08:00

Hey cindy, this is for you... Rem, when u're down and out.. Can always look for me! Haha.. Juz some words that will be useful for you. Good luck for your As!!... This, my frens, apply to all you ppl out there readin too!

"Quote"

Never belittle urself for the potential you have is unlimited
Unleash the energy inside and watch it unfold in your favour
You are no lesser being than others until you view urself as inferior

Self confidence does wonders! It makes or breaks one.
Stay positive!

advance theory

2004-09-26T17:50:00.000+08:00

i nid strength.. i nid.. something..

something to help me pass my advance theory this coming thurs (30th)!!

arrRrrrghhhh!

frontpagey...

2004-09-23T18:19:00.000+08:00

Well, sunday was the last time since i blogged. Thk my archive is getting lonely and since i'm back home early today, i shall do something nice. Ha! Hm, why am i back so early? Coz i am on course today - microsoft frontpage. Ya, i know.. I need the basics 1st mah. Diaox. The lesson was.. Ehrm.. Okie. The lecturer was, well... Kinda weird. 1stly, he seems like he doesn't reali know his stuff tt well coz when i asked him some questions, it took him quite some time before he actually came up with the explaination or the solution. 2ndly, his pronunciation is damn weird. Hosts became Horse. Wrap became Wap. Well.. 3rdly, my 1st impression of him was that he looked like he juz landed from outer space, with his bespectacled face somewhat looking like a metorite explosion (oh no, i feel so bad..) and his eyes, i mean his glasses juz reflect so much light it seems like he doesn't have any eyes lying beneath them. But as in every other case, there are always 2 sides to the coin. To be fair, he is rather patience and willing to impart his knowledge to each and everyone. Guess being some what labelled as "nerdy" isn't reali that bad huh. Wonder how many people will view it as i do. Hm..
We had breaks, mayb too much of it. Tea break in the morning, lunch and another tea break in the afternn. Lunch was awesome, although it was juz Long Johns Silver but having lunch down at PS for 2 hrs was cool! Its been such a long time i actually went to "work" feeling so good. Thk my flu is getting betta as well. Cropping myself in the office suddenly feels v v terrible. Mayb u ppl reading this will nv understand whats the big issue of having Long Johns at PS, i dunno how to put it down in words man. But the feeling was juz great! Tmr's gonna be another day. Betta treasure it!

GrRr... have to report back to DHQ on sat for the SPANS AGM meeting, y do i always get such stupid stuff.. Hate it whenever i hafta attend such stuff coz its a SAT! i thot this week would be over on wed coz today and tmr hafta attend course. Although there are 2 SAs in Planning Office, but i'm always the one who gets such official duties. To make matters worse, i might even hafta report to work on sunday at 0430hrs to be deployed for a taskforce to help in the army half marathon. Thou we can claim hrs, i rather not. Coz if tt's the case, i dun thk i will recover from my illness thats bugging me. Morever, i would be working 7 days a week. I dun get rest, my illness will worsen.

Suppose to have lunch with my new mdm today, but coz i needed to attend the course, the lunch was postponed till nxt monday. Hm, sorry guys, i'm referin to vincent, ben, shuren and robin. Not to forget, mdm as well for delaying the opportunity to have lunch together as an office. Sorry guys!

"Quote"

A flight of stairs

Thats all i care

To get to you

I'll make it through

dissss...

2004-09-19T21:46:00.000+08:00

"Some people think that the physical things define what's within" - adapted form alicia key's "if i ain't got you"
A simple sentence as it may seems, but an entire world at its feet.. Hm, i thk tt's a sentence in the song that reali gives not only me, but i thk it should provide all you guys with some thoughts on how man have evolved into materialistic people. This phrase is reali interesting in the sense that if u reali put ur mind to the test and thk bout' how your life is gg, it makes plenty of sense. I dun deny the fact that i too, am a victim of material goods and the emotional aspect that it provides for you.
Din reali had such a fantastic time yest during the gathering and i guess its coz me and pd always get the bulk of the critcism frm the people ard for... "aiyah, y cannot like this", "y cannot like that" citing an example of the outing that pd had organised. Sometimes, it just gets on ur nerve... I mean after all the work and effort you've put to make sure everyone meets up, there will always be some spoilers who will cite this and cite that. Anywae, that was yest stuff, dun wanna dwell on it for any longer.
Hmm, i headed for issac/ming's hse for the stayover. Dom, nick, me, wilmer and belle were there, the same old topic surfaced durin the stayover, with dom and nick engaging in their NS fantasty and how they were doing, according to wilmer, it seems as though they were showing off how well and how tough their training was. It was as though a punishing NS life was something to be proud of and they were juz... ehrm, so engrossed in it. Man, i can nv understand all the army things coz whenever any guys juz speak bout how BMT, their section and platoon, i feel so handicap coz i dunno what they are toking about and it juz irks me coz they will be lamenting how lucky i am and it makes me feel so irritated. YES! I'm a blessed to be able to be in the police but i guess none of them sees the entire pic. It doesn't mean that now i'm in the force, i'm not as good as them and that i should be left aside whenever gathering arrives.
Anywae, i'll be attending jay chou's concert on the 27th Nov i thk. Lewis helped me to purchase the tix and now i'll hafta pay him back. This month's pay will be gg down the drain considering the things i've purchased already. The medicine for mom which cost $62.50, sneakers - $72.90 and now this, $128... OoOo NonOnono...

"Quote"

Setbacks for here for a reason

It enables you to learn

Not for you to runaway from

grrRrr....

2004-09-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

gRr.. Felt like i was slapped in the face by eve juz now. First, she complained to me a couple of days ago and explained how anxiously she wanted to mit up with the rest and then when i msged her to notify her of the arrangements, she ended up saying she might not go juz coz we're watchin a movie. Its kinda irritating ya know, coz someone wans u to arrange a gathering and u get down to doing it only for ur proposal to be rejected and thrown in ur face. I mean, if its work and my submission falls short of the required standard, i will accept it and make the necessary changes, but then again, this isn't work. Hm, mayb not always. Was a little irritated with shuren today when he asked me to make changes to the manpower breakdown list of the regular officers. Coz i had such a hard time copying and pasting the names of the various officers in microsoft excel and then when i finally completed in the way he wanted, he told me that he wanted another format. So i had to make the necessary changes once more. Well, but i'm alright lar.. bRrRrr... But as with other problems, i've finally come out with a consenous decision. Everything seems to be fine for now.

Work, work and more work.. I spent the entire day facing the stupid com copying, pasting and formating the excel sheets juz to ensure that everything that had to be done was done in the best possible manner to as to ease the facilitation for future use. Quality work is also impt ya know (in case some ppl do not know that i believe in quality work). Oh ya, since we're on this topic of quality work. I thk i failed to mention that my new mdm is finally in the office, she's been here since monday. She looks kinda fierce, but i thk she still lose to me when it come so to comparin facial expressions. Ha, coz everyone says i look damn fierce and blah blah blah.. She's quite strict when it comes to the standard of the work coz she kinda warned me that if i don't live up to her expectations, she'll transfer me out. Well, whats new? Ha, juz hope that i will be able to meet her requirements.

Oh ya, robin's 'x' drive in his comp was wiped out and the worst thing that can ever happen is that all his data is inside. That means, all his designs and websites have also been wiped out. I make it sound like a epidemic. Opps. But its like all his hard work is gone and now he has to start frm scratch. Things in the office certainly isn't gg our way...

"Quote"

Anger is nothing but a passing emotion.

Hold your breath and think first.

Things aren't that bad as you first thought